Warm My Heart Continuation
by PandaAttack
Summary: Strange dreams, untold love, mental instability, Shinji and Asuka. A work of mine revisited, now under a new penname.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me.

I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that.

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters therein. You get the idea.

**A/N (01/03/06)**: Somehow, I don't feel right leaving this one alone. I first published "Warm My Heart" under the penname TheOneThing. When I started writing this one, I didn't have much to go on. My knowledge was sketchy and my writing style didn't please me. It was for these reasons, along with life getting in the way, that I decided to abandon this piece and drop writing.

Well, I guess something got me into reading fanfiction again. Blame the holidays.

The transition might be a bit awkward. I dropped the alias used to originally publish, as I no longer have to hide this from anyone. It will become my outlet, as nothing else I do can satisfy my need to dump creativity (however twisted or wrong it may be at times) onto others.

I'm trying to get back into writing once more, so please bear with me and any mistakes I make.

- PandaAttack

_Quote Key_: Double quotes (") Said things  
Single quotes (') Thoughts

**Warm My Heart**  
Chapter One: "Warmth (Experimental)"  
-----------------------

"I love you… Shinji-baka," she whispered.

She was leaning over him, legs straddling his legs, her body less than inches away from his body. Her breath was coming in soft, slow patterns and warming his skin. This amazing feeling overtook him, the feeling of closeness and warmth, the feeling he had longed for.

The feeling that he knew all too well, because it reminded him of his mother. The mother he hadn't known for the majority of his life. He felt empty and alone without her, but he told himself that he wasn't alone. He forced his mind to think that he needed nobody. That was the wall he had built, the barrier he had put up to keep himself from feeling agony, pain, anguish, and loneliness.

"Asuka… I…"

The words refused to come to him.

'Could she really… Could she feel this way?'

His mind ceased to think as she slid her hands under his shirt, gently sliding her fingers across his abdomen and up to his chest. She pressed her lips to his and closed her eyes.

'Is she… Oh god, who cares…'

He shut his eyes slowly, not moving any other part of his body, he wanted to savor this moment, even if it was just a moment. Because in this moment that he felt her pressed close to him, the feelings of sadness and pain, the horrible memories that plagued his mind and his dreams vanished. And in that instant, so did the longing. It was satisfied by the arms that were now holding him, the body pressed against his, the lips pressing his and the heat coming from the combined exhales of the two.

But also in this moment, he felt hands wrap around his neck. Palms that felt so warm before were now ice cold, and forcing themselves shut. No words came from either, only muffled gasps for air from him as he tried to push her off.

'Asuka, stop this... Please… Please…'

A tear made its way down his cheek as he began to feel the life slipping out of him, and he began to panic. He kicked and tried to swing his arms, and pleaded to her in his mind to release her grip. Shinji felt numb and cold, the feeling he had tried to avoid throughout his life was now going to be the last he would ever experience.

This thought alone caused him to concentrate a last effort to free himself. He let his energy take control of the now weak body and Shinji's mind surged. He focused all of his remaining strength into his right arm and swung upward at her face as his mind screamed.

'Care for me!'

'Warm me!'

'Hold me!'

'Need me!'

Shinji shot up in his bed.

"LOVE ME, ASUKA!"

Gasping for air and feeling his throat delicately, Shinji determined that he was fine. There were no hands suffocating him. There were no hands tenderly rubbing his chest, there were no lips pressed against his, there was no loving comfort. There was no Asuka leaned over him.

Shinji felt the sweat rolling down his forehead and the dampness that remained in the outline of his form from this dream. He felt his heart pounding within his chest as he tried to calm himself.

"A dream…. A nightmare…" he whispered to himself.

He fell back onto his pillow, tired and worn, hoping nobody had heard him yell just then. Especially Asuka. He figured that if she hadn't come barging into his room to kick him, beat him, or both, then she was still fast asleep. Shinji chuckled slightly as he drifted off to sleep once more.

_- The Next Morning -_

Shinji awoke to quiet, wondering what time it was, he looked over to the small watch on the dresser next to his bed. Misato thought he needed a dresser so that he wouldn't roll over onto his SDAT player while he was sleeping, like he had once, damaging it and leaving the small player in need of repair.

'How kind of her…'

He saw that he was right on time, but didn't know why it was so quiet and still in the apartment. Climbing out of bed, he put the watch on, and then proceeded to get dressed for school so that Asuka wouldn't awake to see her lunch not made. Remembering his nightmare, he got dressed a little faster.

When he slid open his door, Asuka was silently sitting at the table across from Misato, who was indulging in her usual morning beer. Shinji glanced at Asuka, trying to look into her eyes for no reason in particular, or so he thought to himself. The two noticed him and Asuka strangely said nothing. He awaited a barrage of insults and yelling from the second child, but none came. This was indeed surprising. Misato finished her can and stood up to wish Shinji a good morning.

But his face instantly flushed red. In clear view of him were Misato's bare legs, her thighs. The crisp skin, radiant in his eyes. As he looked up, he noticed that Misato was wearing nothing but her underwear below her waist, and nothing except a small shirt above. Noticing this caused his cheeks to burn, he must have been as red as a cherry by now, and he was noticeably, although not admittedly, quite aroused by the sight. Shinji shook the thoughts of his guardian out of his mind, he forced the lustful visions out of his head, he knew it was wrong to think about her in this way. Not to say that he didn't like doing it.

"Shinjiii-kuuun, is every.. thing… allllhrighht?" Misato finally spoke up, slurring badly.

He avoided eye-contact with his rather scantly-clad guardian as he replied, and then kept his view off of her while moving to sit down at the table. Misato, finally realizing her mistake in forgetting to get properly clothed, quickly walked back to her room to change.

Asuka stopped sipping her drink and set it down on the table, then broke the silence.

"I heard you last night, third child."

Shinji immediately choked on his drink and felt it burn up through his nostrils. What could he say? Were there words to get himself out of this one? Should he just give in and admit that it was him? Would she care? Shinji cleared his throat, attempting to stall for time but also realizing that Asuka knew full well what he was doing. When his throat was cleared well enough, or more than well enough, he spoke.

"I… Asu…" Shinji struggled to get out.

'What can I say to her,' he thought, 'will she see that I'm lying…'

Asuka was sitting still in her chair not moving, and fixing her gaze on him with a cold stare. But there was something else also, something in her eyes, so faint but still visible to Shinji. He was caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts and worries, thinking of the many possible ways this could end, good and bad, and worse than the latter but no better than the former.

"I'm sorry for waking you…" Shinji finally managed to say, his voice trembling slightly, hoping that this would satisfy the second child.

"Baka." Asuka mumbled.

"I had better not catch you fantasizing about me again, you pervert!" She then added.

Shinji was half relieved and half stunned and shocked, and slightly worried. Yes he had fantasized about her, many times, he had actually brought himself pleasure to thoughts of her before. But last night was not one of those times, it was different. Shinji then felt his face flush as he thought of the view of her breasts he had gotten every so often, which translated itself into the dream. She hated him, he knew. He would always feel alone after he had climaxed in his bed, he knew that masturbating to thoughts of HER wouldn't make him feel any better, at least not for very long. He had still found pleasure in these thoughts though, and always regretted doing it because when the release was over, Shinji was alone in his room. No Asuka to warm his heart.

'Not like she ever would.' Shinji thought to himself.

He knew that she despised him, his being, who he was and who he will always be. There were moments when Shinji started to feel something, some positive aura flowing from her. Like she was trying to communicate to him, but she couldn't say it to him, she couldn't let her mighty wall that she had built for herself come crumbling down, especially for him.

'What a baka!' Asuka thought to herself, cringing.

'I don't love him, nor could I ever love someone so weak and pathetic!' She then mentally added.

But these thoughts, they felt so out of place to her now. She remembered a time when she would thoroughly enjoy putting him down, beating his pitiful soul down to where it belonged. That time was gone. Asuka had seen something in the third child, something that she barely noticed, and wouldn't have even realized if he hadn't have saved her after the defeat of the eighth angel.

'Or… could I?'

Recoiling at her mind, Asuka quickly stood up and rushed out of the apartment, forgetting her lunch. Shinji was left alone at the table, sitting alone with his eyes fixated in the place where Asuka's gaze met his mere seconds ago.

Misato, now fully dressed, slowly sauntered over to the table in the spot across from Shinji.

"Shinji… kun…"

The third child merely stood up and slowly made his way out of the door, leaving Misato alone in her drunken state.

'Hopefully she'll come out of it and realize that we've gone to school.' Shinji thought as he walked down the path to the high school, alone. No Asuka to accompany him. No Asuka to warm his heart.

'She never would.' He thought to himself.

-----------------------

**Chapter 1 Conclusion Notes:**  
This is an experimental chapter, mainly to get me back into writing. I have many more ideas to continue, just not a whole bunch of time to write. I'll see how this is reviewed and continue as I see fit, but I will continue it, and the rating posted will be set for the next chapter.

Edit (03/25/04): Two previous edits caused the third and second child titles to whirlwind out of control (I tried to change one to another and the like). It's fixed now xx;;  
Edit (03/29/04): Okay, went through it entirely and corrected every child error that I found, chapter 2 coming as soon as school stops throwing so much work at me ;


	2. Chapter 2

"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me.

I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters therein. You get the idea.

**A/N (01/03/06)**: Somehow, I don't feel right leaving this one alone. I first published "Warm My Heart" under the penname TheOneThing. When I started writing this one, I didn't have much to go on. My knowledge was sketchy and my writing style didn't please me. It was for these reasons, along with life getting in the way, that I decided to abandon this piece and drop writing.

Well, I guess something got me into reading fanfiction again. Blame the holidays.

The transition might be a bit awkward. I dropped the alias used to originally publish, as I no longer have to hide this from anyone. It will become my outlet, as nothing else I do can satisfy my need to dump creativity (however twisted or wrong it may be at times) onto others.

I'm trying to get back into writing once more, so please bear with me and any mistakes I make.

- PandaAttack

_Quote Key_: Double quotes (") Said lines  
Single quotes (') Thoughts

**Warm My Heart**  
Chapter Two: "Anger (Experimental)"  
-----------------------

"What was that idiot dreaming of?"

Asuka thought to herself as she walked quickly on her route to school, trying to rid her mind of Shinji, at least for the time being.

"Bringing me into his perverted fantasies! Disgusting!"

No such luck.

She then arrived at the school and stormed in, she could have sworn that a few of her fellow students got out of her way once they spotted her. She was quite upset, but she took some pleasure in the fact that she had something to use against Shinji, should the need ever arise. This alone brought her to a slight ease, which was good, because she was approaching her homeroom and she didn't want Hikari to notice anything.

-----------------------  
Shinji walked to school alone, quietly trying to recap in his mind what had happened the previous night. He then ceased thinking about what happened and began to concentrate on _why_ it had happened. Why had he been dreaming about her, of all people? What did it mean to him if was her…

"Or if it was Misato…."

Shinji then shook the thoughts out of his head, not being able to forget about Misato's 'incident' earlier that morning. Although he wasn't completely relieved of the burden, Shinji was able to smile slightly at the hilarity of Misato's mistake. He then proceeded to walk faster knowing that he would probably be late if he didn't quicken his pace.

-----------------------

Shinji slumped down into his seat with a sigh, expecting Kensuke and Toji to appear at any minute.

When they didn't, he began to think about last night's events once more.

'Why was _she_ in my dream? There has to be a reason for it…'  
'_Because you want her. You need her_' A voice in his mind told him.

'Need her? Like I need her abuse? I must be going _insane_ if that's why.'

He chuckled softly.

'_Because she wants you. She needs you._'

'Just like she wants a disease, she needs me for nothing other than to boost her ego by flattening mine…'

'_Even so, you feel for her_'  
'She's a human being whom I happen to think something of, that doesn't mean….'

'_That you love her?_'

Shinji shook his head to drive the thoughts out.

'_That you want to have her all to yourself_'

'No.. That's..'

'_So you can admire her_'

'Not true..'

'_So you can tear her clothes off and…_'  
'NO!'

'_violate her, put her in her place and force your pain, the pain she deserves, onto her_'

Shinji's head shot up, eyes shut, still lost in thought but his mind was still trapped between thought and reality.

"NO!"

Soon he came to his senses and realized that everyone was staring at him. Everyone except Asuka.

Shinji sunk back down to his desk.

"I don't want her to hurt… I just want…"

The morning bell rang.

"Stand. Bow. Sit."

This was going to be another long day, Shinji knew, and it wasn't going to be any better at home.

-----------------------

"You're the doctor here, Ritsuko, you tell me what the problem is." Misato looked at the blonde scientist, question in her eyes and a touch of aggravation in her voice.

"What I'm trying to tell you is that, due to the amount of time you've spent around the Children lately, you would have a better idea as to why their scores are so low." She returned the look, grinning slightly.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you already knew what was going on." Misato replied jokingly before returning her eyes to the coffee in her mug.

She had heard Shinji last night, or rather, earlier that morning. It had troubled her to hear the boy scream out loud. Misato knew all to well the Shinji was subject to nightmares. This wasn't the first time he had yelled out Asuka's name either. It hurt her to know that he was suffering, and it hurt her even more that he was forced to do so alone. She knew, however, that Shinji was strong. His being alone probably didn't help him to develop as a young adult should, but he needed that strength. Misato only wished that she could do something, anything for this poor boy.

As she stood and began to head for the door, the blonde spoke up. "I have an idea as to the root of the nightmares though."

Misato nodded. "Well, that's a no-brainer." She exited the office and began walking.

'Asuka. I guess I should have known it would be an issue at some point. They live together, after all.'

She departed the facility, hoping that all hell hadn't already broken loose at her apartment.

-----------------------

Shinji sighed as he closed the door to the apartment. "Guess I'm the first one home."

He savored the peace and quiet, knowing that it would soon be interrupted by a fiery, red-haired female. He dreaded the interrogation.

'I wonder how long she's known. Damn nightmares.' He paused, 'Maybe this was the first time.'

Despite the fact that she seemed to be on a mission to make his life utterly miserable, Asuka had her finer points.

'Her smile… I love that smile.' He thought.

It was true, Shinji Ikari had feelings for the Second Child. Although he had never made these feelings known, mainly out of fear of the swift beating that was sure to follow, but because he knew that this goddess was far beyond his reach. She was popular, outgoing, beautiful, strong, and almost always right. He was pathetic. A coward who hid in his room, listening to his music in an attempt to escape from reality. She made such things known to him on a regular basis.

Shinji's train of thought was derailed as the door to his room flew open, the subject of his contemplation now standing at the entrance to his sanctuary.

There was fire in her eyes, and he could tell that her rage was about to rain down upon him, in one way or another.

"I heard you. I heard you yell my name. I'm not stupid, unlike you," Asuka paused for effect, "Nor am I comfortable being a part of your perverted little fantasies. You got that?"

Shinji nodded, not moving or saying a word.

"Good, and you had better make sure this never happens again." She spat. "You're disgusting."

Shinji was confused. 'Wait… Does she think that… Oh great.'

He saw the need to clarify. Even if he HAD been dreaming of her, it wasn't in that way… or rather, not with that in mind.

"Asuka, it's not what you think it is. I mean…" He was lost for words. Shinji wasn't about to admit what he felt, nor could he think of anything to say that would save himself in this situation.

Asuka turned to him. "Bullshit, Third. You do… whatever it is you do at night, in the privacy of your room. I know what little boys are like, and you're no different."

She took one small step forward, and then another, closer toward him.

"It makes me sick to think of what you do in here. It makes me sick to even BE in this room right now." Asuka was on a roll. "YOU make me sick!"

She stood before him, towering over him as he fumbled for words, knowing that she had won.

"No… It's…" Again, he could think of nothing to say to her.

"What? What is it? That's what I thought. You're just a perverted little boy with no self-esteem."

Asuka was proud of herself. She knew that she had hit home with this last statement.

Shinji looked up at her, and she could see that he was on the verge of crying. She was quite satisfied. She had broken him yet again.

"No…" He whispered. This surprised the girl. "Asuka…"

As she turned to leave, he summoned the courage to reach out for her arm. He succeeded.

"Don't EVER touch me!" Asuka yelled as she attempted to free her arm. His grasp was quite strong, and her wrist was beginning to feel sore. "Let go of me. NOW!"

He continued to stare downward. "Asuka… I…"

Asuka had had enough. She slammed her heel down onto his foot, causing him to withdraw his hand and nurse his foot. She wasn't done with him yet. Grabbing a handful of his hair, she pulled, making him face her. She pulled her arm back and hesitated, letting him know what he was in for. He didn't move, and she took the opportunity.

Asuka's punch hit it's target. Shinji flew backward, his head stopped by the wall.

"Care to finish that sentence, Third Child?"

There came no response. One arm was covering his face, his other hand over his mouth.

"Pathetic."

As she turned to leave the room once more, Asuka looked back at the boy. He was staring at his hands, covered in blood, which was now dripping down onto his pants and the floor. The look in his eyes wasn't one of rage, as she expected. No. As she stared at him, she saw hurt. The tears mingling with blood on the floor made her sure of it.

'Maybe I went too far… Misato's going to kill me.'

Asuka was torn between retreating to her room and helping the bleeding Third. He continued to stare into her eyes. She hated this. She hated doing this to him. Sometimes, she hated herself for doing this to him. She had to keep her defenses up, however, and this is what enabled her to live as she did. The great Asuka Langley Soryu needed no one.

'I'm going to regret this…' She thought.

Asuka left the doorway, returning seconds later with an ice bag wrapped in a towel. Slowly, she approached Shinji, who was sitting at the edge of the bed allowing his blood to drip freely.

"H… Here." She held the bundle out to him. He didn't respond, which annoyed her. "Look, you can't just sit there bleeding, put this on-"

"Why?" Shinji responds weakly, "Just… Why, Asuka?" He begins to choke, the flow of tears increasing.

Now it is Asuka who fumbled for words. 'Why? I don't know, idiot. Maybe because I'm concerned…'

"Misato is going to lose it if she comes home and sees you bleeding all over the place. Come on, just put this on it."

Asuka knew that he would need stitches, but she decided to worry about that when their guardian got home. For now, she just wanted to sort out her thoughts.

'You've done it now, Asuka. Now he's bleeding. You lost your cool again.'

'I couldn't help it… The idiot was touching me. For all I know, that's the hand he uses to.. UGH!'

'Do you know for a fact that he pleasures himself to you?'

'What the hell else would a pervert like him be doing at night, alone, in his room?'

'You can't be the only one who has nightmares.'

'Nightmares? What the hell am I doing in his…'

She was pulled back to reality as a hand took hers and gently guided the ice bag to the owner's wound. Asuka contemplated jerking her hand away. He had touched her again, and she felt the urge to make good on her threat of violence, but she resisted. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she found it brave of him to risk another beating. Instead, she stood in front of the boy, holding the bag for him, as he stared into her eyes.

To both his and her surprise, she stared back.

"Shinji…" Asuka could feel something within her break as she saw a tear roll down his cheek. He nodded slightly, as if there was something understood between the two that required no words to be said. Strangely enough, she felt as though she understood as well.

"As… Asuka." He said, voice slightly muffled by the bag. "Thank you."

This caught her off guard. She was the one that had made him bleed. Why was he thanking her? She had hurt HIM, and he was thanking her?

The two remained as they were, neither moving for fear of ending the moment. For all either knew, they could have stayed that way until the end of time.

"Shinji… Hey, Shinji! Wake up!"

Shinji was shaken from the world he was in. As he opened his eyes, he saw Toji standing beside his desk.

'Where…'

His friend shook him.

"What's up man? You thankin' me for waking your ass up? C'mon, let's get outta here."

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief… or one of disappointment.

At the same time, a very worried Hikari Horaki was shaking a drowsy Asuka.

"Wha… Wait… Shin-" Asuka could only shake herself awake as her friend attempted to put two and two together.

She then chanced a look at the boy and as if on queue, the words escaped both of their mouths.

"A dream."

To be continued…

A/N: I apologize for a short chapter. The decision to pick this up was a spur of the moment thing. It probably didn't all go together as I wanted it to, but it's here. I will continue writing, hopefully improving with each chapter. I'd like to remind the reader that this is fairly experimental. I've never written AxS before, but I'm a huge supporter of it, and I want to see how I do. Expect an update in the near future.

- Panda.


	3. Chapter 3

"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me.

I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I merely use what's available to me.

**A/N:** I don't know what it is about writing, but for some reason, I can't stop. Be this good or bad, I will continue to do so. The urge to take this work and thrust it on a downward spiral has subsided. If you hadn't already guessed, "Warm My Heart" is, and will probably continue to be, completely unplanned. I have no real idea of where I'm headed with the story at this point, but I hope my readers will approve of the direction in which I'm taking it. That said, please lend as much constructive criticism as you see fit. I'd also like to thank the readers for positive reviews. You own me. 3

Double quotes are spoken lines. Single quotes are thoughts. I do this because I want to save italics for something important (whatever that is/may be).

**Warm My Heart**

Chapter Three: "An Understanding"

-----------------------

"A dream?" Hikari asked her weary friend, who then turned to look at her looking rather confused.

"Huh? Oh, Hikari!" Asuka replied. She slowly began to go over the last few minutes in her mind.

'I was… dreaming? Dreaming of him?' she thought, 'What the hell is wrong with me?'

Asuka rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She was tired, and heading home for a nap was looking like a winner.

'It felt kind of… nice. He was so… warm.' After pondering this, the girl desperately tried to forget it. She tried to forget him… At least for the time being.

"Asuka, are you okay? You were mumbling something… Something about Shin-" She was cut off by the redhead.

"No! Nothing! I'm perfectly fine! Just a little tired, that's all." Asuka was normally adept at lying. Not this time, however.

"Couldn't sleep last night. You know how that goes."

Asuka mentally slapped herself. In an attempt to cover for herself, she had probably given her friend a multitude of possible conclusions at which to arrive.

Her fears were confirmed when Hikari gave her a puzzled look.

"Are you sure you're okay?" the girl asked, clearly concerned about her friend. Asuka replied with a nod.

'It was just a dream. That idiot. Now I'M having strange dreams.'

'_You know you enjoyed his touch._'

'Did not.'

'_Asuka, you can't lie to me._'

'He's an idiot and a wimp. The kid can't even face his own father.'

'_Just like you avoid thinking of your mother?_'

'Damnit.'

Asuka's thoughts were headed south. She needed to get out of here, away from everyone. Away from her friend. Away from the boy who plagued her mind.

"I'm going." Asuka blurted out before rushing from the classroom.

-----------------------

Shinji was confused. Very confused.

He had been torn from his dream. Another one of his dreams about himself and her. One of his dreams in which she actually cared.

'Like she ever would.'

Shinji harbored no hatred for the girl. His heart wanted to love her. His body just plain wanted her. His mind wanted to understand her. It was all very confusing to him.

"Ah.. Uh, hey." Shinji managed to collect his thoughts. The two boys beside him were just as confused.

"Shinji, man, you need to get more sleep." Said Kensuke.

"I bet the devil is keepin' him awake at night. Am I right?" Touji added.

Shinji knew he was joking. He sighed.

'You have no idea.'

It was true, Shinji Ikari had feelings for this girl. Feelings which lead him to do many things that he would later regret. Things that would do no more than hurt him more and more. Things that he took so much pleasure in doing. Things that brought him pleasure, and later on, the desire to do these things again. He, of course, was very familiar with such things as desire, pleasure, hurt, and regret.

There was something about the way she looked at him at that moment, however, that made him question what he thought about the girl.

'Asuka…'

He saw the girl stand up and quickly make her exit. Something in his gut told him that it would be wise to follow, even if it meant receiving the punch he had already felt.

Before he could stand to leave, Hikari Horaki, the class rep and Asuka's only friend (that most knew of), walked up to his desk. She held some of Asuka's books in her hand, which she extended to him.

"She forgot these." The girl stated, "Would you mind taking them to her?"

"Oh… Of course not. I'll do that." He replied, accepting the books.

Hikari leaned in closer, making sure that nobody else could hear what she had to say. "Go." She said firmly.

As she moved away from him, Shinji picked up on the fact that Hikari somehow knew something he didn't. For some reason, he felt like finding out exactly what that was.

He didn't hear Touji say anything. He didn't hear Kensuke either. He had heard Hikari, and he had his mind set on one thing.

'Asuka…'

He stood and exited the classroom almost as fast as Asuka had not a minute earlier, leaving his two friends just as confused as Hikari was.

-----------------------

Asuka wasn't in the mood to think. Oddly enough, she wanted to sleep. She wasn't tired, but she wanted to sleep.

'No, I don't want to dream. I just want to stop thinking about him.' She cringed, 'and about whatever it is he does in his room.'

At this point, the girl knew she was just digging her own grave deeper. All hope of clearing her mind was lost. She simply removed her shoes and proceeded to her room, shutting the door behind her, and plopped down onto the bead, burying her face in the pillow.

'I need to stop thinking about him.'

'_You need him._'

'I don't need ANYONE. I can take care of myself.'

'_You want him to take care of you._'

'I don't want anything from him, and I don't want his pity.'

'_Is it because he pities you that he cares?_'

'He doesn't care. He's a little boy. I know what he wants. He doesn't want to care.'

'_You have a nasty habit of assuming things._'

'I also seem to have a nasty habit of talking to myself.'

Asuka closed her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to be hurt. She wouldn't be hurt by him and his stupid dreams. It was then that she heard the door to her room slide open. The voice that followed was soft and caring. Asuka hated that about him.

"Asuka, I knocked and you didn't answer. You left your books at school and I was asked to bring them to you." She heard the boy say. He was nervous. His voice gave it away.

"Get out." Came her cold reply.

After a few seconds, she heard the door slide shut. Still, Asuka didn't move.

'I hate him. I hate how he cares. Why can't he just see that I'm fine and leave me alone?'

'_He was just doing you a favor._'

'I don't need any favors from him.'

'_Now you're just being silly._'

'I know what I need, and he has nothing to do with it.'

She then rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling.

"Idiot."

Asuka could have sworn she felt a tear roll down her cheek, but she made no effort to find out.

-----------------------

Shinji stood at the door, willing his body to move.

It didn't.

He knew there was nothing he could do for her. All of the words he could possibly think of to comfort her would be spoken to deaf ears. Today's dream lingered in his mind. None of this was out of the ordinary, save for the dream. That was definitely strange, but he shook it off.

'Probably a side-effect of Misato's… experiment.'

He couldn't call what the woman had created dinner. It even appeared toxic. Shinji sighed as he was finally able to remove himself from his post in front of Asuka's door. He knew that failing to have food on the table for a hungry Asuka would only add fuel to the fire, for a hungry Asuka isn't a happy Asuka, and he didn't care to make the situation any worse.

'_Running away again?_' the voice in his head began, '_What happened to finding out what was on her mind? Scared?_'

'He who turns and runs away will live to fight another day.'

'_I thought so._'

'Why am I arguing with myself?'

As Shinji turned and made his way to the kitchen, he heard her.

'I know I am.'

With that, the boy began to gather the ingredients necessary for tonight's dinner, hoping that cooking would be able to take his mind off of the girl.

-----------------------

Misato's attention was divided between the children she cared for and the pedestrians she had almost hit. Her driving style was, for lack of a better word, frantic. There were many reasons for this, she thought, but none more important to her right then than the children under her care. They were so young, and yet, they were some of the most complicated beings she had ever known. Probably because of the task they were given.

Asuka and Shinji were no ordinary children. They were pilots. The burden placed upon their shoulders was great, this she knew. They had a lot more on their minds than most kids their age. The world depended on them, on their ability to pilot. When something interfered with this ability in any way, it was her responsibility to find out what the cause was and to eliminate it quickly. Easier said than done.

She found herself at the door to the apartment. Before entering, Misato went through the possible scenarios awaiting her on the other side of the door.

Surprisingly enough, it was quiet.

'Well, at least they haven't started throwing punches.' She thought.

Shinji was cooking dinner. Asuka was in her room. None of the furniture was overturned. All appeared to be well in the physical realm that was the apartment.

Shinji hadn't greeted her. In fact, he didn't even turn to look at her when she entered. Asuka was still in her room. Misato grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down at the table. It was going to be an interesting evening.

After emptying one can, Misato went against her better judgment and made her way towards the door to Asuka's room.

'Shinji's almost done cooking. I guess I can use that.' she thought.

Misato listened for a moment. It wasn't like Asuka to be holed up in her room without a reason, and it was even more unlike the redhead to do so without causing a commotion. Something wasn't right.

The knocks on the door went unanswered. Something was wrong.

Opening the door, Misato found that Asuka was lying on her bed, her head buried in the pillow. The gentle rise and fall of her back assured the guardian that she was still breathing, and therefore, alive.

'She's asleep. Must have had a rough day.' Misato thought. This both comforted and worried the woman. Asuka wasn't exactly the type of person to run out of energy.

'Still, she _is_ human.'

Her curiosity satisfied, Misato quietly shut the door and walked to the kitchen, where Shinji was setting the table. Pointing to the hallway, she spoke.

"Asuka's sleeping, so I guess it's just you and me tonight."

The boy looked in the direction she was pointing nodded. He left the third plate where it was.

The two ate in silence. He was obviously lost in thought. Every now and then he would look in the direction of the hallway. Misato picked up on this.

"Something wrong?" she asked, returning his puzzled look with a stern one.

"Huh? Oh, no, nothing." He replied flatly before returning to his meal.

Misato, however, wasn't about to give up.

"You've been looking over there for the past fifteen minutes Shinji. I'm not clueless, you know." She looked at him, letting him know that he couldn't hide from her any longer. He sighed in defeat.

"Well… It's Asuka." He said, "She's been acting… different."

Misato knew he was worried about her. She was worried about the girl as well. Finally, progress had been made.

"She's been in her room all evening." He added.

'Not Asuka.' Misato thought, 'Definitely not Asuka.'

Nodding, the woman got up and retrieved another beer from the fridge. She hadn't noticed Shinji stand as well. He turned to leave, a plate in his hands.

"Shin-" Misato started, but was cut off.

"I'm sure she's hungry." He answered. There was determination in his voice, and she wasn't about to hold him back. Somehow, Misato had forgotten that Asuka was sleeping.

'I guess what happens… happens.' She thought. There was enough beer to help her through whatever was about to take place, anyway.

-----------------------

In all honesty, he was afraid. Shinji was afraid to even approach that door, lest he anger the sleeping being inside, but damn it, the boy was determined. Misato had sensed it too, and he silently thanked her.

He stood before the entrance to her room, unsure of what to say.

'I mustn't run away…'

'Having to tell myself that just to be able to knock on her door… I've lived with her for months and still…'

Gathering up all of his courage and deciding to think no more, Shinji decided to knock.

He was interrupted by faint sounds coming from within. The boy pressed his ear to the door in an attempt to determine the source of the noise.

'Asuka…' he thought, 'She's… Crying?'

He heard the redhead's muffled sobs. Something was wrong. He was going to find out what, one way or another.

"A… Asuka?" he managed to speak, awaiting a reply. None came.

Shinji tried again. "Asuka? I... I thought you'd be hungry. If you want, I can leave the plate by your door."

He cursed himself. Leaving the food and running away. Running away.

About a minute passed with no reply from the girl. As he listened, he could hear that she was still crying quietly.

'I owe it to her… I have to face her.'

'_But you won't. You're too afraid of her._'

'I will.'

'_You're afraid that she might reject you._'

'She seems to enjoy my cooking.'

'_That's not what this is about._'

Shinji knew what it was about. The fact that Asuka would reject him frightened the boy to death. In the past few months, he had become more and more attracted to his roommate. More than just as a friend, but as someone who understood him and what he faced every time he stepped into the plug. After all, she went through the same. For this reason, Shinji desired no other. No other would understand him as well as she did. Ayanami included.

He had shared a plug with Asuka, after all. In that sense, the two had been one in a moment of desperation. Shinji didn't mind.

She had been the focus of his attention ever since. Although he didn't admit it, he didn't go a single day without thinking or worrying about her at least once. He had grown to accept the fact that she would always be loud and opinionated. This fact is what caused him to worry about her now. She was quiet. She said nothing. She was troubled by something. He was going to find out what, even if it meant a beating. Brushing aside the dream he had earlier that day, he cleared his mind as best he could.

"Asuka, I'm coming in." he warned before sliding the door open.

Through the darkness, Shinji could see that she was lying on her side in bed, facing him. As he walked toward her, he noticed that her eyes were closed. He moved closer. Setting the plate on a table, he looked at her. She had been crying after all. The boy threw caution to the wind as he approached the bed. The tearstains gave her away. A single tear left her eye and slid down her cheek.

Going against all he knew, Shinji brought a hand to her face and brushed the tear away gently. It killed him to see her cry. Relieved that she was still sound asleep, he remained there, looking at her.

'God, she's beautiful.' He mused, chuckling softly, as he realized that he didn't see her like this very often. He decided to make the most of it, and stayed as still as he could. Every bit of him wanted her, wanted to comfort her, find out what was wrong. It could wait.

Asuka shifted in her sleep, moving her face closer to his.

'She's going to kill me if she wakes up like this…'

'_You're enjoying this. Let her be._'

'I suppose I am.'

A small smile crossed his lips as her stared at the face of the girl he cared for so much. The girl that he would risk everything for without hesitation. The girl he knew he would die for, if necessary. The girl that had given his small, miniscule life meaning. The girl whom he, although not admittedly, loved.

Her lips parted slightly. A kiss came to mind. Shinji was tempted, but he resisted. That would be far out of line, and he didn't feel like dying tonight. Although, he wouldn't mind if it were to be at her hands. He had already experienced that once before… In a dream.

Her breath tickled him. A feeling he reveled in. Brushing another tear away, and then another, Shinji realized that she was crying again.

The girl's lips moved as she spoke softly, a little less than a whisper. "Shin… Shinji…"

He moved away slightly, afraid that she was awake and aware of his presence.

What happened next, nobody could have expected. Not Shinji, not Misato, who was secretly watching from the doorway with Pen Pen in her arms, who was equally stunned.

Shinji gasped as the girl closed the gap between them, sitting up and placing her lips on his. Her arms rested on his shoulders, wrapping behind his neck, holding him there. At first, Shinji protested, trying to pull away. Asuka's strength should never be underestimated, he remembered. Slowly, he began to accept her showing of affection, intentional or not, and he returned the kiss to the best of his ability. Shinji lost himself in the moment.

He was startled when she stopped. Asuka didn't move away, she didn't move at all. Shinji opened his eyes to see that she had done the same. Her eyes were bloodshot. The tears flowed again.

She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. He was just as confused as she was.

"A… Asuka?"

-----------------------

Asuka broke the kiss, but kept her hold on the boy.

'What… What in the hell? Did I just? Yes, I DID! I kissed him. I kissed Shinji.'

'_and you enjoyed it._'

'… So what if I did?'

'_You know it, I know it, he knows it now. Just get it over with. Tell him._'

'Tell him WHAT? I have nothing to say to him.'

'_Hopeless._'

The boy in front of her was not the same Shinji she had known. He looked different. He looked at her differently. Asuka simply held him there.

"I…" both began. Both stopped, waiting for the other to speak.

No words could be said.

'He looks so handsome when he's not cowering. He's… smiling.' She thought, 'Because… I kissed him?'

'_Good. About time you start using that brain of yours._'

'But why?'

'_Oh, come on. You aren't dense._'

Asuka sighed, startling the boy.

"As.. Asuka?" he whispered.

She could only stare into his eyes. Those deep, dark eyes of his. There was something about them that had always confused her. Something about those eyes of his. They seemed locked onto hers now. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable, but there was something about the way he looked at her that she couldn't understand.

Asuka closed her eyes and leaned her head forward, resting it against his.

"A… Asuka?" he whispered, urgency in his voice this time.

"Shinji." She replied.

A tear made its way down her cheek. He wiped it away gently. She smiled. As she opened her eyes, she would see that he was smiling as well.

Asuka didn't know how long this moment would last, but she was going to savor every second of it. For once, she didn't have to be strong. This was the Shinji she liked the most, and she wasn't about to ruin it.

-----------------------

The words both of them tried so desperately to say never came out. For now, this was enough. The warmth they shared. For now, neither was alone. For now, they had one another.

Continued…

-----------------------

A/N: This chapter was a pain to complete. I mentioned before that I wasn't sure of where I'm going with this. I lied. Anyway, not much progress in this chapter… or is there? You decide. My schedule for the next two weeks is going to be a burden in regards to completing the next chapter, but I'll try my best to get it out before too long. Thank you to the reviewers who enjoyed, and I hope you'll stick with me as I navigate through the rest of this piece.

- Panda


	4. Chapter 4

"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me. I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I merely use what's available to me.

A/N: This chapter was, more or less, the beast I had predicted it would be. I scrapped four previous versions of it. If anything seems… off, forgive me.

**Warm My Heart**

Chapter Four: "A Moment Alone"

-----------------------

Her lips upon his. Her flesh against his flesh. Her embrace enveloping him, bringing forth each and every emotion the boy felt for her. The one reaction he had least expected now lingered in his mind.

'Thank you.'

Asuka had, in that brief moment of passion, be it born of physical desire or longing for another, revealed to him what she had revealed to no other. She had given herself to him then. All that she was. In that kiss, Shinji had found warmth, he found trust, and he had found… love?

'She couldn't… Not me.' He thought, 'She needs someone. Anyone. If I run away now, what will she think of me?'

Still, she had said his name. Not only had she said his name, but she did so in the sweetest, most sincere voice he had ever heard. That voice was the most pleasant sound he could think of. She hadn't pushed him away, and for this he was thankful.

Shinji was torn between his desire to flee and his desire to be with her, right there, regardless of the consequences. She would probably return to her normal, loud self in the morning, but the Asuka before him now was quiet, subdued.

She was trembling slightly. So was he. He was just as nervous as she was. This hadn't been their first kiss, but it was different from their previous attempt. The kiss the two shared was pure, innocent. It was honest and unrestrained. Her lips had made no effort to resist. Neither had his.

There they were, sitting together on her bed locked in an embrace neither wanted to break, and they were strangely happy.

At some point, the girl had decided that lying down on the bed is much more comfortable than sitting up on it. Shinji agreed. Pulling him down with her, she rested Shinji on his back and laid down beside him, still clinging to the boy. He was sharing a bed with none other than Asuka Langley Sorhyu; the most beautiful woman on earth, snuggled against him, depending on him for warmth. Little did she know, he depended upon her for the same. Shinji closed his eyes.

'This is nice. She can sure be pleasant company when she isn't yelling.'

'_You don't mind her company, even if she IS yelling._'

Shinji chuckled.

'I don't mind her at all. She's… warm. Yes. Asuka is warm.' He decided.

'_She's even warmer insi-_'

The boy shook his head rapidly. He wanted her, bad, and he could feel it. Shinji only prayed that she didn't.

Or maybe he hoped that she did. It was one of his greatest weaknesses. No other excited him like she did. The simplest things she did seemed fascinating to him. Over time, Shinji had come to appreciate these things. There was no denying that he felt for her. Not that he wanted to deny it.

"Asuka, I…" he whispered. Shinji was trembling again. He was nervous. The words that hadn't managed to escape his lips before were trying to do so yet again. His heart beat rapidly, and he was unsure. Those three simple words were, ironically, the hardest thing for him to say, immediately following her name.

She had shifted slightly, pulling herself up, her head and upper body now on top of him.

It took him a few seconds to realize that he might need to defend himself, however, and he opened his eyes. She was asleep. It was both a relief and a dagger to his heart. He probably wasn't ready after all, but it could wait.

Looking down at the girl now resting against his chest, he took a moment to gaze. It wasn't often that he was allowed to view Asuka sleeping, to see her sleeping so peacefully. He enjoyed this considerably. The only problem was that she slept on him, which gave him very few options regarding how the rest of the night would play out.

'Maybe I should wake her up… Nah.'

The last thing Shinji wanted to think about was leaving her, but seeing as they had only just begun to explore their feelings, he felt it would be best to move slowly. Sharing a bed was a step he wasn't exactly ready to take. Not yet, at least. He soon found himself thinking about her again, namely, about her body. Risking death at her hands, he trailed his down her side, reaching her waist. From there, he continued down. Somehow, his hands found their way to the girl's posterior. Why or how he had done this was a mystery. He thought he could see a smile start to form on her lips, but he didn't pursue this any further.

Shinji wasn't normally one to stare death in the face, not outside of Unit-01 at least, but he took great pleasure in being able to touch her like this.

'I'll think of it… as a test.' He told himself.

Seconds later, he abruptly withdrew his hands, placing them on the bed.

'I'm taking advantage of this situation… She'd think I was even more perverted.' Shinji convinced himself. He knew that touching her was something not many people were allowed to get away with unharmed. She had allowed him to hold her, but even a simple deviation could turn a peaceful Asuka into the purest form of anger that ever walked the planet.

'Still… She _is_ warm.' He thought, smiling. This had been one interesting night for the Children. He didn't know when it would happen again, or if it ever would, but with the memory of this night, he could die happy.

Almost.

Being careful not to wake the redhead, Shinji gently slid out from under her, taking care to rest her gently on the bed once he was free. She had fidgeted several times, but she was still asleep. Picking up the plate on which the now cold meal remained, he tiptoed to the door and made his exit.

Turning around to glance at her once more, he saw the way the moonlight accented her features. Her lips, mainly. Shinji couldn't take his eyes off of her. Something in him wished that she would awaken so that he could look into her eyes once more.

"Goodnight, Asuka… my sweet."

Why he chose such a corny phrase to end his sentence, he didn't know. At this point, he didn't care. All he could think about was her. The girl that he had fallen in love with. Asuka Langley Sohryu.

-----------------------

For once, Asuka put aside all inhibitions and dove in head first. The feeling was something she could learn to enjoy. She only hoped that he would give her the chance. After the abuse he had been subjected to, both from her and from being the pilot of Unit-01, she wouldn't blame him if he chose to run away. Asuka hadn't asked him if he wanted to kiss her. She had thought about it several times since the first kiss they shared. Frankly, the thought of trying again frightened her. She was to blame for the result of the kiss. In all honesty, she loved the feeling of his lips against hers. Even if the kiss had been awkward, Asuka had taken pleasure in it. That's what scared her the most.

It killed her inside to see him suffer. Watching him suffer alone just made it hurt even more. The way he treated himself and constantly found himself at fault drove the girl absolutely nuts. Shinji was better than her. He had bested her before, and she was sure that he could do it again. Why he thought so little of himself, she didn't know.

For a while, she was angry. Wimpy Shinji Ikari had topped her score. He had excelled, and she was left behind.

Asuka didn't know what scared her more: the fact that Shinji had beaten her, or the fact that he no longer depended on her. It was similar to the feeling that overwhelmed her as Rei and Shinji were able to synchronize their movements on the mat, while she wasn't able to match Shinji. She had blamed it on him, but she had the feeling that it was her who was inadequate. Seeing that her theory was being proven correct, Asuka stormed out. Rei had been able to do what she couldn't, and it hurt.

Of course, the girl didn't go far.

Stopping at the convenience store close by, she looked for something to fill her empty stomach. God only knows why he was there, following her. Hikari had probably made him do it.

Asuka couldn't say that she didn't want him around. She wanted more than anything to be close to him, but being alone with him on that rooftop was more than she expected him to do for her.

'Damn pride.'

'_You always had to be the best._'

'Synch ratios aren't everything.'

'_Oh? Then why does his score even matter?_'

'It's not about his score…'

'_Exactly._'

Thinking back, it was hard to remember any pleasant memories associated with her coming out on top. Every time she did, Shinji was first to be on the receiving end of her boasting. He didn't seem to mind hearing all about how she was a better pilot than he. In fact, he seemed to enjoy hearing her go on about how she was the best. In the past few weeks, the boy had been spending more and more time just listening to her. She didn't know the reason, but she agreed to talk. Perhaps out of pity. Perhaps there was another reason. A reason she didn't quite understand.

It was never about his score. Indeed, it was because Asuka feared that Shinji would find her useless. In a strange way, Asuka depended on him. In a strange way, Asuka needed him.

Her dreams had a funny way of coming true. The nightmares, she hoped, would be a different story.

For now, however, she was content to be held by him. It wasn't the most amazing thing she had experienced, but being alone was something she didn't wish to be.

Growing tired, Asuka pulled him down with her as she came to rest on the bed. It had been a long evening, and the fatigued girl could think of no better way to bring it to an end. It was her way of showing that she trusted him. Hopefully he would pick up on this.

"Asuka, I…" he spoke.

She drew closer and found herself resting on his chest. It didn't bother her that her breasts were pushed up against him. She was either too tired to care or enjoying the effect it had on the boy. His heart was beating quickly, his breath was erratic. He couldn't say something. Something that she felt he had been wanting to tell her for a long time now. It was to be expected from Shinji, and she would wait for him, until he was ready.

The feeling of his hands down her sides was unexpected.

'Pervert.' She thought, but allowed him to continue. He stopped at her waist. Asuka was slightly disappointed.

Her disappointment was promptly replaced by surprise as she felt his hands on her rear. The fact that Shinji had done this assuming she was asleep infuriated the redhead. The fact that he had actually done it, however, amused her. She hoped he hadn't caught her smile. Her cheeks were burning, but he couldn't know that she was enjoying this. Not yet, at least. She wasn't ready for him yet, but she would be. His touch was gentle. He was trembling. Maybe he wasn't quite ready either.

As much as Asuka had wanted to pin him to the bed, she allowed him to slide out from under her. He was gentle, she noted, as he did his best not to disturb her. Shinji was oblivious to the fact that she was still awake. Feeling cold again, she immediately regretted allowing him to leave. She wanted so much to get up and drag him back, but it was too soon. Sleeping together was a step the two would have to make together. A step some take too fast, and end up worse off later on. For now, she would allow him to escape.

Asuka could have sworn she heard him say something to her before the door slid shut. She replied only after she was sure he couldn't hear.

"Goodnight Shinji… my sweet."

It seemed rather cliché to her, but it was Shinji. All she could think about was him. The boy she was slowly falling for. Shinji Ikari.

-----------------------

Misato was concerned. The children under her care were, without a doubt, two of the most confusing people she had ever known. Shinji was quiet and serious, normally not willing to engage in conflict. Asuka was loud and brash, often the cause of conflict.

What worried her now was the absence of yelling. She was almost certain Asuka would have torn Shinji's head off and left him in pieces on the ground, but she heard no shouting yet. It grew late, and curiosity got the better of her.

She was well aware of Shinji's feelings for Asuka. Anyone who spent as much time with them as she did would have noticed it as well. The prospect of having them actually get along for once thrilled her. Shinji needed it, after all. He had been alone for so long, and he had gone without so much. She had tried to be a mother to him, although he ended up taking care of her. She drank too much. Everyone knew this. Some mother she was. The boy was too mature for his age, a quality of his, but also something that she wished to change. Nobody his age should have to go through what he had been through, to see what he had seen. His father had abandoned him. His mother had died long ago. Now his father was calling him back to save the world. Yet, through all this, he had been able to smile. Shinji had made friends and lived a fairly normal life outside of his NERV-related duties. He had seemed happy, but still, he was alone.

Perhaps it was the loss of his mother.

Misato had known her parents, and even though the relationship wasn't ideal, it had existed.

Asuka was similar to Shinji, in a way. Her mother had taken her own life, believing the doll that hung next to her was Asuka. She had, at such a young age, experienced a living hell. No child should have to live with the memories Asuka carried with her. Such things weren't normal. Such things seemed so wrong. This, Misato reasoned, was the fate of the pilots. All had lost something at some point. In Shinji's case, as in Asuka's, a mother.

Perhaps this was the reason she had taken them both in. Misato never actually considered having children of her own, but her maternal desire led her to bring Shinji into her home. Soon after, she was given the chance to accept Asuka as well. The result was less than desirable.

Instead of warming up to one another, Asuka pushed Shinji away. Shinji, in turn, backed down. She hadn't realized it then, but these were two flaws that kept the children from opening up to one another. The blame was on her shoulders and her shoulders alone.

Every time it seemed as though one was getting through to the other, an angel would split them once again. Such was the fate of the pilots, Misato reasoned.

She wasn't exactly sure when Shinji had begun to take interest in the girl, but at some point, he had resolved to grow close to the Second Child. The woman admired him. He put his life at risk every time he stepped into the plug to defeat an angel, and when he stepped out of the plug, he threw himself before Asuka. Misato knew that the girl's verbal assaults had an effect on the Shinji that impeded his progress greatly, but lately, he seemed to enjoy being told that he was only second best. The amount of abuse he put up with was a testament to his character, as well as to the amount of love he had for her. Even if it meant a lifetime of being told that he wasn't good enough, he wouldn't back down from her. He wouldn't be lonely, even if it meant being hurt by the one he felt so much for.

It was obvious by now. Shinji Ikari was in love with Asuka Langley Sohryu. Misato had figured it out. Would Asuka?

Rolling over, she pulled herself from the futon. Making sure she was clothed properly, the woman slid her door open gently.

There was Shinji, standing outside Asuka's door, looking in. He was smiling.

"Goodnight Asuka… my sweet." He said.

Misato resisted the urge to run to him and trap the boy in a bear hug.

'All that worrying for nothing. I guess it was only a matter of time.'

Considering the possible scenarios that now played out in her mind, she grew concerned.

'They wouldn't move that fast…'

'Still, it'd be best to have a chat with them later on.'

Misato couldn't help but giggle. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day for the residents of the Katsuragi household.

-----------------------

Continued…

-----------------------

A/N: If this chapter seemed more fluffy than the others, I succeeded. If it didn't, that's okay. It turned out a bit shorter than I had anticipated. School consumed more time than I would have preferred, leaving me with less in which to write. I apologize. The last few days have been quite frustrating, I hope you can understand.

I wanted to explore a more relaxed side of each character. It was another one of my random decisions, as four previous versions of this chapter were scrapped, and I didn't want to make this project one gigantic downward spiral. The length of this fiction has yet to be determined. I like working without such limitations.

I might have taken a liberty or two with the personalities of Shinji and Asuka, but I'm allowed to do that at least once… Aren't I?

Consider this the "calm before the storm."

- Panda


	5. Chapter 5

"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me. I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I merely use what's available to me.

A/N: I had an idea of where this chapter would be headed when I finished the previous chapter, but certain things have led me to reconsider. We'll see how it goes. Thanks to the reviewers, much love.

**Warm My Heart**

Chapter Five: "A Kiss"

-----------------------

Shinji felt a strange sense of déjà vu as he surveyed the scene before him. Asuka was sitting at the table, looking at him, watching him. She had come home from a date with some guy she obviously had no interest in. Misato was out drinking with Kaji. The Children would have the place to themselves for a while. He wasn't sure whether it was her presence that made him uncomfortable or the fact that they were the only ones there, excluding Pen-Pen. They were the only humans there.

She tapped her finger on the table and spoke; "Hey Shinji, do you want to kiss?"

He removed the earbud and turned to look at her. "What?"

"A kiss. A kiss?" she said, "You've never kissed, have you?"

He could only nod. The boy wasn't sure where the idea had come from, but since they were alone, he didn't press the issue. Kissing Asuka wasn't such a bad prospect, but why would she kiss him?

"Let's do it then." She spoke.

He could only respond by asking her why.

"Because I'm bored." Asuka replied.

Shinji hardly saw that as grounds for doing something such as kissing. Kissing was something two people did to show affection, to show that they cared and trusted one another. Asuka wasn't one to show affection for anyone except Kaji, nor was it like her to care about him, much less trust him. This entire situation both confused and thrilled the boy, and discretion was giving way to curiosity.

"Why?"

Asuka was a persistent girl.

"You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mother's death?"

'You just had to bring my mother into this, didn't you?' he thought.

"Afraid she may be watching you from Heaven?" she added.

'If only I knew she was watching over me from Heaven. It'd be nice to have a guardian angel.'

"Not really."

Turning her body to face him, she pursued the issue. "Or are you scared?"

'Of you? No. Of what you do to me… and what I want to do to you… Yes.'

"I'm not scared of a little kiss!" he replied. Shinji wondered if she noticed that he was shaking. Slightly. He was shaking. Of course he was afraid.

He was afraid of what she would do to him, of what she would say. He was afraid that she would leave him. After all, a kiss was a showing of affection, of caring and trust. She didn't care about him. She didn't trust him.

Unfortunately for him, he cared for her. He trusted her. It was his undeniable truth.

"You brushed your teeth, didn't you?" she asked. He nodded.

"Then here I go."

She stood before him and leaned in closer, he followed suit. Asuka began to close the gap between them, stopping suddenly.

'Maybe… she's just as nervous as I am?' he thought, 'Did she expect me to back down?'

He opened his eyes to find hers staring back at him. Her face was inches away from his.

"Don't breathe, it tickles." She whispered, surprising him when she clamped his nose shut and pressed her lips to his.

Shinji was in heaven. Her lips were soft. Her lips were warm. Her breath tickled him, but he wouldn't dare do to her what she was doing to him. He wouldn't move to touch her. Not when she was kissing him. The feeling was absolutely electrifying to the boy. Asuka was kissing him, and he did his best to return it. Still, he couldn't breathe.

As the moment drew on, Shinji began to notice that his lungs were desperately in need of oxygen. The feeling of being unable to breathe is one that frightened him, but he didn't move. He wanted this to last for as long as possible. He thought she would realize him turning all sorts of strange colors. She didn't.

Suddenly, he pulled away. Being able to take no more, he gasped, filling his lungs with much needed air. He sighed in relief.

She ran.

Asuka ran from him.

He looked to the hallway entrance, wondering what was going on. The sound of running water and then her gargling gave him an idea. He put two and two together.

'She… feels unclean. Unclean because she kissed me.'

Shinji's heart sank. For an instant, it was as if Asuka was enjoying the kiss. That was, until he pulled away. He couldn't help it.

He heard her yell from the bathroom; "Definitely NOT something to do to kill time!"

Shinji found himself walking. He moved swiftly toward the bathroom, finding the girl bent over the sink.

He couldn't stop himself. Any and all control he had was now lost. This feeling was dreadfully familiar, and he was afraid.

'No… This isn't what I want.'

'_What do you want, Shinji?_'

'I don't want this.'

'_Of course you do._'

'I don't want to hurt her.'

'_You want to. You want her to suffer as you have suffered._'

'I don't want her to suffer.'

He grabbed her wrist, pulling roughly, turning her so that she was facing him..

"Shinji! What the hell are you do-"

The defiant look on her face only served to infuriate him more. Shinji wasn't sure why he was doing this. He didn't want to hurt her. The boy grabbed her wrists, pinning her to the wall. He pressed his lips to hers, but there was no real love in this union, only desire. This was his cry for help, in which he pleaded for something, anything that resembled love. Her lips remained tense as she attempted to push him away, but was unable to do so. Despite his thin frame, Shinji possessed more strength than she did.

Shinji continued to kiss the unwilling girl, who was now whimpering in his arms, and he began to ease his hold on her. This, he found, was a mistake. Asuka wrenched one arm free, and then another. She saw the opportunity and struck him. The blow connected with his cheek, sending him falling backwards onto the floor.

He reacted quickly, reaching out and grabbing her wrist once again, holding her in place.

"Let go. Let go of my arm. NOW!" she yelled, trying to free her arm from his grasp.

"Asuka…"

She continued to struggle, ordering him to let go, threatening to give him the beating of the century. Her threats were hollow, he knew.

His reaction shocked even him. With all of his strength, he pulled her down onto the floor beside him and pinned her down. To quiet her screams, he slammed his lips against hers a second time with such force that he tasted blood. Shinji found his hands pressing against her throat to keep her from , his fingers wrapped tightly around the girl's neck as he continued to kiss her. In response, she dug her fingernails into his arm. It hurt, but he couldn't stop. Not now.

Shinji felt an odd sense of pride as he felt the redhead's lips tense and relax, only to tense up again when he moved against her. He was in control of the situation, not Asuka. Shinji Ikari had beaten Asuka at her own game. She was his prey, and he was beginning to enjoy it.

The boy failed to notice the girl's choked cries until she began to writhe under him. Her screams were muffled by his lips, and he found that his body would not move. Shinji's satisfaction was soon replaced by panic.

'Why… Why am I doing this?'

'_Because it is what you want._'

'This isn't what I want. I don't want to harm her.'

'_But it is. You want her to suffer as you have suffered._'

'She already HAS suffered.'

'_Indeed, she has._'

'This isn't real… This can't be real…'

Shinji felt her arms loosen their grip on his, blood flowing from the punctured skin where her fingernails had broken through. She struggled no more. Asuka had given up. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he moved to brush it away, finally removing a hand from her neck.

'It's… cold.' He thought as the bead of liquid made contact with his skin.

Suddenly, he realized that her flesh was just as cold. It was oddly pale. Deathly pale. He remained motionless as he stared at his hands.

He was a killer. She was his victim. It wasn't right at all, and he felt like crying, but no tears would come.

'Asuka is… Asuka…'

'_She's dead. Gone. You killed her._'

'No… No!'

'_You killed Asuka. You knew she couldn't give you what you desired, but you chose to disregard her feelings. Now she is gone, and you are to blame._'

'What have I done?'

"Asuka." He whispered, staring into her eyes, waiting for some sign of life. Any sign of life. He, of course, found none.

Shinji gently wrapped his arms around the Second Child's limp body. He had no idea of what to do next, so he remained there with her. Grief settled in, but still no tears would come.

A distant voice called to him. That voice beckoned once again. Somewhere, a soft, feminine voice spoke his name. The world around him became dark, the girl in his arms and the walls around him vanished. The floor beneath him gave way, and he found himself falling.

Shinji grunted as the back of his head came into contact with something solid and flat. Sitting up, he rubbed the aching area. Sheets were wrapped around his legs, and it took him a second to realize that he was on the floor.

"A dream." Shinji sighed.

The fact that he had dreamt of such a thing frightened him. It was similar to the dream he had the night before, except this time, he was the aggressor. The kiss, however, was a pleasant memory. The real kiss, at least.

Noticing the time, he began to crawl back into bed, stopping when he heard the voice again; the voice that had taken him from his nightmare. It was faint, but he was sure that he heard his name. Deciding to investigate further, Shinji tiptoed to his door, slid it open, and moved into the hallway. Misato was snoring again. It couldn't have been her. That left Asuka.

His mind was playing tricks on him. The thought of her calling to him in her sleep was absurd. He was thoroughly convinced that such an event would signal the coming of the apocalypse. Shinji debated whether or not he would actually mind if the world ended… if she had his name on her lips. It was when he heard the voice yell his name that he recognized the voice. It was Asuka, without a doubt. She yelled his name. He was quite confused.

He proceeded with caution, not wanting to make his presence known. Sliding the door just enough to look in, he was surprised by the girl yet again..

"Shin… ji?"

There she was, sitting up on her bed, a sheet wrapped around her figure. It looked like she had been crying again, but he couldn't tell for sure. There was obviously no excuse for this one.

"A.. Asuka? D-Did you need something?" he squeaked. For some reason, standing at her door made him more apprehensive than sitting in the plug, awaiting an attack.

She didn't respond. Instead, she stared at him. He didn't expect what he found in her eyes.

'Fear?'

-----------------------

Asuka thought this seemed familiar. She came home from a date with that… jerk. He was boring and a jerk. She couldn't stand the combination.

Hearing Shinji playing the cello wasn't something she was used to. His music seemed calm, yet urgent. The music he produced flowed so smoothly. Asuka waited, enjoying the notes, until she decided that it was time she get out of the hallway and make her presence known.

She clapped. The look on her face showed none of the real appreciation she had for his talent, but it was the most she could do. Complimenting him was hard enough. His playing was really quite good, even if he said that he had no talent. She thought he did, at least.

"Well, perseverance is power." She said, "I'm sort of impressed."

"I started because my teacher told me to, so I could have quit at any time." He replied.

Asuka knew where this was heading.

"Then why did you keep playing?"

"Because nobody told me to stop, I guess."

'Typical Shinji'

"I should have known."

She walked into the room, sat down, and fell back so that she was resting on the floor. He went on to say that she was back early. Asuka wasn't sure why she was even talking to him, considering that she didn't have to reply at all. She did, however, and she felt strangely comfortable in doing so. She explained the events briefly, saying that her date was boring, and that she left him while he was in line. He commented on how it didn't seem too nice.

'Always thinking of someone else when I'm thinking about him.' She thought, '… My god, what new lows have I sunk to? Shinji of all people…'

She had to react.

"Really though, Kaji is the only real man around here!"

Shinji put the instrument back in its case and clasped it shut. Asuka was slightly upset, as she wanted to hear him play a little more. She had, after all, spoken to him without calling him an idiot.

Although he was done playing for the night, she knew he was going to cook dinner for them. This was something she actually looked forward to. While she didn't always enjoy Japanese cuisine, he would sometimes surprise her with something delightfully tasty. Shinji was a cook and a musician. He was also the pilot of an evangelion. A strange combination. A strange individual. Not too much unlike herself. Asuka sniffed the air and could tell that tonight's meal wouldn't fail to please her. When she thought about it, he was good for a lot of things.

'Did I actually enjoy talking to him?' she thought, 'I mean… It's _Shinji_.'

Asuka pondered exactly what she thought of her roommate. After all this time, they had learned to stand one another most of the time, although they weren't the best of friends. In truth, they avoided each other frequently in order to keep whatever peace was between them. For this reason, they ate in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. It was usually like this when Misato wasn't present, as the two rarely had something to talk about that took precedence over dinner. Shinji looked like he had something on his mind. Asuka hoped she didn't.

'I hate it when he just sits there thinking. What the hell is he thinking about?' She took another bite, 'Doesn't he have anything to say?'

'He looks so… peaceful.' She suddenly wanted to think about something else. Anything else. Anything but Shinji.

'I don't know what this is…' Asuka thought, looking down at the bowl in front of her, 'but it's good.'

She contemplated thanking him, but reasoned that it was his duty to provide her with nothing but the best. He always pulled it off. The funny thing about him was that he would never cook she disliked out of spite when they had a particularly nasty conflict. She would yell at him, he would apologize and go to his room, she would go to hers. Later, she would come out and find him putting forth his best effort to produce something that would please her. Perhaps it was an offering of peace, perhaps it was another way for him to apologize yet again, perhaps he was showing her that she didn't really get to him that much. The third seemed very unlikely, but it was a possibility. The redhead began to eat quickly.

'Any more of this silence and I might be tempted to speak to him again.'

After consuming the remaining food in front of her, she slid the chair back and went to her room. It was a good time for a shower, and it'd probably do well to get her mind off of certain things. Namely, a certain person. Grabbing whatever was lying around, she found clothes and made her way to the bathroom.

She slid the door shut and locked it, placing her clothes on the counter. The shower was her retreat.

Turning the knob and allowing the water to warm, Asuka removes her clothing. Standing before the mirror, she looks at herself. Checking for any imperfections, she turns to one side and then to the other, a moment of vanity, but it satisfied her. Finding none, she steps away from the mirror and moves into the shower. The warm water rushing over her skin relaxes the girl.

'Perfect, as always.'

Going about the regular routine of washing herself, Asuka's thoughts turn toward the boy once again.

'He's an idiot, but he's talented.'

'He's dull, yet he fascinates me.'

'He's Shinji, what's so… attractive about him?'

"Ugh."

The shower wasn't doing much in terms of clearing her mind. Her body was relaxed, but she remained in a constant state of thought. Sleep relieved her of thought. Sleep was her sanctuary. Sleep, however, meant nightmares.

Asuka stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. Red was hers, obviously. She dried off before slipping on undergarments, followed by a yellow shirt and a pair of shorts. Draping the towel around her neck, she slid the door open and then the divider. Shinji was on the phone with someone, probably Misato.

"Yes… Okay, later." He said.

"Was that Misato?" she asked.

"Yes, she said that she'll be out late and not to wait up for her."

'The hell? She's out with Kaji…'

"What! Don't tell me she's not coming back until tomorrow morning!"

A night alone with Shinji. The last thing she needed now.

"No way, she's with Mr. Kaji."

'Sometimes I wonder just how dense he is.'

"What are you, stupid? That's WHY!"

He blinked twice and then flushed red. This surprised Asuka. She knew he wasn't very knowledgeable when it came to adult relationships, but the fact that this surprised him after living around the woman was something she didn't quite expect.

'He's either very sheltered or very dumb,' she thought, 'and I think I'll go with the latter.'

Shinji cleaned the table and washed the dishes. A rather routine evening.

The time immediately following their dinner was quite uneventful. Shinji had retrieved his SDAT player and some magazines from his room before sitting down in the doorway and remaining there. Asuka took a seat at the table and could think of nothing to do, so she just sat. Eventually, she laid her head down and turned to look at the boy sitting a few feet from her.

'Here we go with the silence again. I wonder if he knows how much it bugs me when he just sits there thinking while I'm over here-'

'_Thinking about him?_'

'Thinking about _him_? Ha… Oh.'

'_Bingo._'

'I just wish he'd say something to me every now and then, for no reason at all. Conversation with him isn't all that bad.'

'_C'mon, just kiss him._'

'WHAT! Kiss him? Why in the hell would I want to do THAT?'

'_Because you want to._'

'I don't want to kiss him.'

'_Oh, but you do._'

'Why would I want to kiss him!'

'_Because you're bored._'

'Good point. But how do I get him to kiss me?'

'_You ask him._'

'Why would he accept?'

'_Because he wants to kiss you. Either way, you're Asuka Langley Sohryu. You get what you want, when you want it, by any means necessary._'

'I… suppose that's true.

'_So go on. Ask him._'

She tapped her finger on the table and then spoke, unsure of why she was doing this but determined to see it through none the less. "Hey Shinji, do you want to kiss?"

'My god, did I just ask him? Did I REALLY just ask him?'

He turned to look at her and replied. "What?"

Either Shinji hadn't heard her clearly or he was in disbelief.

"A kiss. A kiss? You've never kissed, have you?" She spoke.

Shinji nodded. The fact that they were alone in an apartment, other than Pen-Pen, that is, enabled her to loosen up a little. She wasn't as nervous as she was when the idea first popped into her mind, but she still felt uneasy about actually doing it.

'The sooner, the better.'

"Let's do it then."

The look of disbelief again.

He stammered. "Why?"

'_Because I'm in love with you._'

'I most CERTAINLY AM NOT!'

'_Because I want to kiss you._'

'I don't want to kiss him.'

'_Because I need you._'

'I don't need anyone.'

'_Because I'm bored._'

'That'll do. God, what's wrong with me today?'

"Because I'm bored." She answered, trying her best to sound sure of herself. He couldn't know that she had her doubts as to whether or not this was a good idea, and she would have told him to forget that she even asked if it weren't for that nagging in her head.

"Just because you're bored? That's your reason?" he questioned. Shinji had a habit of asking questions instead of what was taking what was offered to him freely. Asuka found herself slightly upset that he didn't willingly throw himself at her. After all, she was perfect. Any other guy would jump at the prospect of lip locking her at a second's notice. He, however, questioned her motives.

Asuka had to act quickly before she convinced herself that this was a bad idea. She thought of ways to manipulate him, and immediately his mother came to mind. It was cruel of her to involve his mother; the mother he longed so much to know. At this point though, she would risk it in order to succeed.

"You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mother's death?"

He looked hurt. He looked confused. He looked pitiful, and a part of her wanted to apologize for stooping so low, but she continued on. She would make it up to him. Even if he was an idiot, he had feelings.

"Afraid she may be watching you from Heaven?"

"Not really." He replied flatly.

"Or are you scared?" She questioned.

He stood and spoke firmly. "I'm not scared of a little kiss!"

Where his sudden burst of confidence had come from, she didn't know, but he seemed more sure of himself. This wasn't what she was expecting. She didn't expect him to actually react like this. It wasn't like Shinji.

'Still…' she thought, 'I can't say I mind him being firm with me.'

Asuka immediately regretted thinking about him being firm with her. The images her mind brought forth weren't all too pleasant… or so she told herself.

"You brushed your teeth, didn't you?"

He responded by nodding.

'Now or never, Asuka.'

"Then here I go."

She readied herself for just about anything. With Shinji, you could never really tell what was going to happen next. One day he'd be happy, and the next he'd shut himself off in his room for some reason she didn't care to know.

Asuka leaned in slowly, closer and closer to his face. His lips. To her surprise, he leaned in as well. Everything was perfect.

Everything except for his breath tickling her. She wasn't sure why it mattered, since she wasn't extremely bothered by it. Still, the girl _wanted_ everything to be perfect. Perhaps it was because she was nervous.

'Damn, it's just Shinji. Why is this so difficult?'

He opened his eyes and she stared into them. From up close, they seemed different to her. They seemed alive. They seemed to beg her to continue.

She realized what must be done. "Don't breathe, it tickles."

Asuka clamped his nose shut and closed the gap. She kissed him.

'… Did I just?'

'_You're kissing him._'

'Shinji.'

'_Yes. It isn't all that bad, is it?_'

'I don't know.'

'_Of course you do. You're enjoying it, aren't you?_'

'So what if I am?'

She was enjoying the kiss, even if Shinji was the one whose lips were against hers, she liked it. Asuka could have remained like that for much longer. For once, his silence wasn't so annoying. For once, they were communicating in some form other than yelling and apologies. The girl had to admit, she didn't mind.

It was perfect. He felt so good against her. Even though her heart was racing, she did her best to stay in control.

Until he pulled away, gasping for air.

Asuka immediately realized that he hadn't been able to breathe, but the act of breaking the kiss, of ending the temporary peace between them, made something deep within her hurt. She felt hurt, and she ran to the bathroom, hoping to seek refuge in the privacy it offered. To cover up the fact that she was on the verge of tears, Asuka ran the sink and began to gargle water. Her mind was a flurry of questions; questions she knew he couldn't answer.

"Definitely NOT something to do to kill time!" she yelled.

Asuka heard quick footsteps headed in her direction. She hoped that he wouldn't ask questions. It was only when he took hold of her wrist that hope became fear, and she knew that she had lost control of the situation. Shinji had been pushed too far. His grip was tight, a little too tight. It began to hurt. He was being rather rough with her, and she didn't like it one bit.

"Shinji! What the hell are you do-"

When he grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the wall, Asuka began to realize what he planned on doing.

'No Shinji… You can't.'

'You have no right…'

'Stop this. Stop doing this.'

'Stop Shinji… Oh god, please, just stop.'

'Because…'

'It hurts. It hurts me.'

'Please… don't hurt me.'

His lips were on hers again, but it was different this time. It was almost like he was begging her for something. This was all too much, and she began to whimper. Asuka cursed herself for reacting this way, but Shinji pinning her to the wall and kissing her was all it took.

Asuka realized that his grip was beginning to loosen. If he kept this up, she would be able to free her wrists and resist. She saw her opening and struck. Her knuckles collided with his cheek and he flew back onto the bathroom floor.

'Why… Shinji?'

She knew that it was no longer safe here, around Shinji. It was time to leave. Misato would find out and it would be dealt with, but she couldn't handle Shinji. Not when he was like this. He seemed… angry. At the same time, he looked confused.

Her escape was prevented by his hand grabbing her wrist a second time. Asuka was furious.

"Let go." She tried to free herself, "Let go of my arm. NOW!"

"Asuka…" he replied quietly.

The girl fought and threatened, she threatened to beat him within an inch of life if he didn't let go of her. Nothing seemed to make him let go. Her threats were meaningless anyway. At this point, she would be content with his silence again.

Without warning, she was pulled down onto the floor next to the boy, and was pinned down again. The kiss that followed was devoid of all emotion. It was simply in order to muffle her screams. It hurt. Asuka tasted blood, and she was afraid. She was even more afraid as his fingers lightly traced their way up her neck, and then his palms came to rest on her throat. Before she could react, he pressed down. His fingers wrapped tightly around.

'Don't kill me, Shinji.'

'Don't hurt me, please.'

'I'm… I'm s-sorry.'

'For everything I've done. For every time I've yelled at you.'

'Please Shinji… listen to me.'

He couldn't hear her.

Asuka grabbed his wrists in her arms, desperately trying to breathe. He wouldn't let her. She didn't realize that her fingernails were digging into his flesh. Attempts to scream failed. Her lungs begged for air.

'I'm going to die.'

'He's going to kill me.'

'Why… Shinji?'

Asuka felt lightheaded, and she lost her ability to struggle. Too weak to fight him any longer, she gave in.

'I'll… I'll miss you. Baka.' She thought as a single tear escaped her eye.

Her vision began to fade, the world around her becoming black. It was over, but she couldn't believe it. She had to try one last time to get his attention.

"Shinji!"

Asuka's eyes flew open and she saw the room around her, recognizing it as her own. Her breaths came in short gasps. Sweat rolled from her forehead. Tenderly feeling her neck, she found no soreness.

"… A dream?"

She sat up and wrapped the sheet around her body. Looking toward her door, she saw a pair of eyes, instantly recognizing them as Shinji's. In that moment, Asuka was overcome by fear as she recalled the nightmare. Fear was replaced by a desire to have him close to her, however, as she remembered what had taken place earlier.

"Shin… ji?" she whispered.

"A.. Asuka? D-Did you need something?" came his reply, his voice almost cracking.

Two pairs of eyes met.

-----------------------

Shinji was embarrassed that she caught him outside her door like this. She probably thought he was even more of a pervert now. Resigning himself to his fate, he awaited an answer from the girl.

She didn't speak, rather, she reached down and patted the spot on the bed beside her.

'Does she want me to… sit down?'

He slid the door open further and entered the room.

"Shut the door." She spoke, barely above a whisper.

"B-But, Asuka-"

"Please."

Something was strange about this. She wanted him to shut the door to her room with him in it, and then she said "please". Not typical Asuka at all. He complied with her request, sliding the door shut quietly and walking toward her bed. Nervously, he sat down where she had directed him to and stared at the wall.

The feeling of her hands on his shoulders nearly made him jump out of his skin.

"S-Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

He nodded.

Shinji nearly yelped as she leaned over and allowed her head to land in his lap. He was glad she had the sheet wrapped around her.

She spoke softly. "Shinji?" Her voice was weak.

"Y-Yes?" he struggled to answer.

"Stay with me." She whispered, "… Pl… Please?"

The boy nodded and pulled another sheet over himself as the girl rested on him. He brushed some strands of golden red hair from her face, again seeing the moonlight interact with her features.

"Asuka…"

"Mm. Shin… Shinji" she mumbled. He could tell that she was falling asleep once more. Realizing that he was tired also, he leaned up against the wall, noting that his neck and back would be killing him in the morning. Just as Misato would if she saw them like this. He would have to awaken and sneak out. The talk was something he wished to avoid for as long as possible.

Just as his eyelids closed, he felt a hand in his. Instinctively, he gently squeezed it, surrounding it with his fingers. The hand was warm. Asuka's hand. Asuka was warm.

Shinji drifted off to sleep, wondering what the morning and subsequent day would have in store for him.

Continued…

-----------------------

A/N: Apologies for taking so long with this chapter. I'm not sure if I liked the last chapter, and I'm not sure if I like this one, but up it goes. If you see any strange or unfinished sentences, please tell me. I'm finishing this at 6:13AM on Sunday, and I'm quite tired. I just couldn't sleep until this was done and I was set up for the next chapter. If you haven't been keeping track, I've managed to stretch two nights and a day over five chapters. There will be some resolution in the next chapter. I'm not sure how long I want to carry this on, but I don't think it'll be too long.

If any lines don't make sense, it's because this chapter was written over a six-day period in which I was frequently interrupted. I also found it necessary to alter some parts of the story in order for it to make sense (to me, at least).

For the sake of clarification, yes, this is set after the kiss scene. Yes, they both dreamt the same dream. Yes, Shinji's (violent) actions are an element of the dream ONLY. Yes, they both had the same dream, with the exception of each recalling what they did before the kiss itself.

I probably intended to say something meaningful in this note, but I've long since forgotten what that was.

- Panda


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Let's simplify matters and say I don't own anything. Everyone comes out happy and nobody argues.

A/N: Looking back, I dislike the previous chapter. In fact, I don't know why I wrote it, as there was no purpose in doing so other than to update. I admit that instead of developing the story, I fell back on the idea of a shared dream. This was intended to build up to something, but doing so now would only rush the relationship along, if I'm even able to. Having said that, I didn't intend to go much further with the story. Originally, I had it slated as a four chapter affair. Here I am writing the sixth.

If anyone is interested in pre-reading, contact me.

**Warm My Heart**

Chapter Six: "Like a Mother / Enlightening Conversation"

-----------------------

Shinji felt something prod him in the ribs. Stirring, he opened his eyes slowly to discover a stern face staring back at him. Misato's.

'Oh… Damn.' He thought, trying to come up with an excuse. Obviously, nothing he could say at that moment would be enough to explain without going into detail.

Another firm poke in the side got his attention as she spoke, whispering as to not disturb the second occupant of the bed; "Kitchen, now."

With that, his guardian rose and left the room, but not before shooting him a look that let him know she meant business. Shinji wasn't about to test his luck. Initial attempts to remove himself from the bed failed as his companion clung to him. Apparently, she had woken up at some point and decided that his sleeping next to her instead of in a sitting position would be better for him. He vaguely remembered feeling her push him down onto his side before shoving him closer to the middle of the bed and coming to rest against his back, wrapping her arms around him. She hadn't been very gentle. Her arms encircled him, trapping him in her embrace. As he tried to move away once more, she tightened her hold, making the boy wonder if she was actually asleep or not. Seeing as her arm had been trapped under him for the past few hours, he figured that the girl would be blaming him for the sensation of pins and needles in her arm as blood was allowed to flow freely through it once again. It would be nothing compared to the rage he would face if he were to make Misato wait any longer.

He chuckled as she mumbled something when he was finally able to free himself. Standing, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and began to walk toward the kitchen.

Misato wasn't pleased at all. Shinji wasn't surprised. It had been his intention to remove himself from the bed as soon as Asuka was sound asleep. What he didn't count on was her desire to have him in her bed as she slept. When the girl wanted something, she most often found a way to get it.

Still, he had to admit that whatever interrogation he faced was worth being able to sleep next to the girl he cared so much for. Although, it was a bit sudden. Shinji decided that it would be best to talk to Asuka after he sorted things out with their guardian.

Stepping into the light, Shinji tried to speak, but was cut off by Misato.

"No. Don't say anything, just sit. I want you to listen to me."

He could only nod dumbly and comply. Misato was usually never this stern with either of them unless lives were at stake, and he could see no danger in sharing a bed. She wasn't even drinking yet, which worried him. Something was troubling her, and he had a feeling he would find out what it was.

"Shinji… I'm not going to sit here and lecture you on why sex is or isn't appropriate at certain stages in a relationship or at a certain age." She paused, as if awaiting his response.

"M-Misato! That wasn't-"

"It is my duty to ensure that the both of you are able to perform as pilots to the best of your ability." She continued, "As such, I can't allow either of you to engage in activities which would render you or her unable to pilot."

Misato cleared her throat and fixed her gaze upon him. "As you are aware, pregnancy requires that a pilot be placed on leave until the child is born and the mother has recuperated…"

"So I need you to be honest with me. Did you or did you not-"

"We didn't! She just asked me to-"

She cut him off, smiling gently and looking at the ceiling. "I didn't think so, Shinji. I just… have to be sure."

The boy breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that the woman's firm look had been replaced by a thoughtful one.

"I won't ask you to tell me what exactly it is that happened between you two, because I think you should sort things out with yourselves first. In the years that I've known her, this is the first time I've seen Asuka like that. I'm sure you were just as surprised as I was when she…"

Misato abruptly silenced herself and continued to gaze at the ceiling. After an uncomfortable pause, he finished her sentence.

"Kissed me?"

Obviously, she knew. The extent of her knowledge regarding the events leading up to the kiss itself was unclear to him, but he was sure she had a good idea.

Misato nodded before continuing again.

"Shinji, even though you're pilots, you're still children. You've both been through a hell of a lot and a lot of hell, more than anyone your age, at least. I have no right to judge you, but at the same time, I… I'm worried about you. About both of you."

She paused again, her head lowered and she fixed her gaze on the table, drawing invisible circles on its surface as she spoke.

"There are some things you can't undo, no matter how hard you try or how much you wish that life would give you just one more chance to make it right."

"Um.."

"There are some things in life that just never change, even if you tell yourself over and over that you want them to."

"Misato?"

"I made a mistake, Shinji. I made a mistake that I don't think I can correct. I thought what I had was true. For all I know, it was, but I just wasn't willing to take that risk. I took the easy way out instead, and tried not to look back… and I regret it. I always will."

Her voice was strained and her lip trembled as she spoke.

"I don't want you… to make the same mistake."

The boy sat there, confused and unsure of what she was talking about, of why she was telling him this. Why was she revealing this side of herself to him? He felt awkward listening to her, but couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"Shinji?"

"Y… Yes?"

"Do you love Asuka?"

Normally, he would have immediately reverted to questioning where she would get such an idea, but there was no hiding anything now. The question hit him like a ton of bricks, as Shinji realized that he had the answer, but he didn't know how to tell her… or anyone. Somehow, this woman knew what was on his mind.

"I… I think I do."

'Of course I do. I just can't say it, that's all.'

"Then I need you to promise me something."

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you'll hold on to her, even if she begs you to leave her alone, even if she runs… I know this is too much to ask… and it's not my place to do so… but please, for her sake."

"I promise."

Shinji wasn't sure that he could tell Asuka that he loved her. A part of him was still afraid, even after a night in her bed, that she would reject him. He was, however, quite sure that he could remain with her regardless of the circumstances, even if she wanted to push him away. Even if she didn't want him.

The phone rang. She moved to answer it, and he had a good idea as to who was on the other end.

-----------------------

"Good morning Misato."

"Ritsuko… What's with calling so early in the morning?

"Section two delivered a rather interesting report to me."

'I guess it was inevitable.'

"I know, I know, Shinji and Asuka, right?"

The woman on the line spoke again. "I trust you will deal with this as you see fit."

"Of course. You know me."

"That's why I called."

"Really, now…"

"The tests scheduled for today have been cancelled. However, I wish to speak with them both myself."

"Sure thing."

"Oh, and Misato?"

"What?"

"They didn't-"

"No."

"I see. Well, enjoy your morning then."

With that, the call ended.

Sometimes Misato wondered why it was absolutely necessary to monitor their activities constantly. They are, after all, only children. Other than the fact that they were charged with the task of defending the future of humanity, they are, more or less, normal teenagers. Their pasts, however, are anything but ordinary.

She didn't blame them for turning to one another for comfort. In fact, she almost expected it to happen at some point. When she found the two sharing the girl's bed, Misato wasn't sure whether to be upset, congratulate them, or just let them be. Of course, she wouldn't be the only one to know about it. A report would be made and given to the commander, and she would most likely be summoned to shed light on the situation. It would be best to wake Shinji first, rather than having to deal with Asuka, most likely waking him in the process.

"Shinji?" she called, hoping the boy would be within earshot.

"Yes?" he appeared from behind the corner leading to the hallway.

"That was Ritsuko. The tests have been cancelled…"

His face lit up. Obviously, he thought they would have the day to themselves.

"But she wants to speak to you and Asuka."

The smile vanished. It looked like he wanted to say something, but she knew that it wouldn't benefit either of them to protest.

"Shinji," she walked over to him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder, "I'm sure she knows nothing happened. Ritsuko _is_ a doctor, after all. She can… check if she has to."

The boy nodded. Satisfied, Misato gave him a light pat on the head and continued on to her room. She glanced through the doorway to the room belonging to a certain redhead, seeing that its occupant was stirring and notifying the one she was most likely looking for that his presence was required, reminding him that they would have to be on their way in a few hours.

The woman wanted to get back to sleep. After all, she woke up early in order to check on them. Be it motherly instinct or women's intuition, Misato felt confident that she would find them together. Sleeping, they looked rather peaceful. Upon seeing that none of Shinji's clothes were thrown on the floor, she concluded that they had simply fallen asleep together. Personally, she didn't think it was all that irregular, save for the fact that Asuka allowed him to sleep next to her. This was a welcome development indeed, and one that she would enjoy watching.

-----------------------

'Asuka… Needs me?'

Misato's words and actions regarding her discovery of himself and Asuka sharing a bed came as a surprise to him. He was almost certain that she would have pulled them both into the kitchen and lectured them until they no longer desired to even sleep in the same residence together. However, she hadn't. Instead, she had spoken what he interpreted as words of encouragement to him. Misato seemed more like a concerned mother than strictly a legal guardian.

Shinji crept back into the girl's room and quietly slid the door shut.

"Shinji?"

He turned to the bed, a pair of blue eyes meeting his. "Yes Asuka?"

"Er… Idiot, where have you been?"

The boy couldn't help but smile at her, wrapped in a sheet and doing her best to act concerned while not showing it. What one would normally consider an insult, he found, was becoming something of a term of endearment. He didn't mind at all.

"Talking to Misato."

"… Don't tell me she saw us like… in the same bed?" she pleaded, visibly concerned.

He would probably have to explain anyway. "Er.. Yeah, she did, but-"

Asuka buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Now she's going to get the idea that we… UGH! NO!"

"Asuka?"

"She's going to think we had…"

"Erm, actually, that's what we were talking about." He scratched the back of his head, chuckling.

"SEX!" the redhead yelled, bringing her head up from her hands to address him.

Shinji's eyes widened and he motioned her to lower her voice, lest their guardian grow suspicious of them.

"No! She knows we haven't gone _that_ far yet." He found that talking to her like this was rather awkward.

"Misato trusts us, I'm sure."

Asuka cocked an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean _yet_?"

He realized that his choice of words had been poor. "Uh, well, I didn't mean that we were going to… I mean… I'm uh… s-sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that we would or anything. It's early, you know?"

The boy could only stand there blushing.

"I-I'll be in m-my room if you n-n-need me…" With that, he turned to her door, preparing to open it and make his exit.

"Shinji?" He froze as she spoke his name, turning slowly around to face her.

"Y-Yes?"

"Did I say you could leave?" she spoke, her tone sounded desperate, despite her obvious attempt to sound assertive.

He took a few steps closer to the bed, waiting for any reaction from her before continuing. She didn't seem to mind him getting closer, so he walked over to the bed and sat down.

'Maybe she _is_ changing.'

'_Of course she is. Why else would she allow you to sit on her bed, much less enter her room at this hour?_'

'True.'

"Asuka..."

"Shh. Don't talk." She shifted on the bed and slid closer to him, draping part of the sheet around his shoulder.

It was then that he realized that he was trembling once again. Thankfully, she probably attributed his reaction to the fact that it was cold in the room.

"Oh, the synch tests have been cancelled… but doctor Akagi wants to speak with us…"

Her look of optimism became one of uncertainty. Just as he was sure his did when Misato told him. Section two had probably notified the doctor. They had a habit of prying like that. It was their job.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." He did his best to assure her.

"W-Well, of course it will be! We didn't do anything!" she was raising her voice again.

"Y-Yes."

Shinji smiled, not knowing how else to respond to her. Yet another awkward silence followed.

The room was, as he noticed, more of a mess than he thought. Apparently, Asuka wasn't one to clean or organize on a regular basis, which didn't surprise him. Clothes were strewn about the floor with heaps here and there, probably denoting the length of time that they've been resting on the ground. He tried his best not to stare at the various undergarments that he saw mixed into the piles. After combing the room with his eyes, Shinji decided to think about how he would discuss what happened the night before with the girl.

'She asked me to stay with her…'

'_She needs you._'

'Asuka doesn't need me.'

'_She said it herself._'

'She says a lot of things.'

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt the bed move. Turning to look at the girl, he was met by the same pair of blue eyes.

"Shinji?" she whispered.

"A-Asuka?"

"I told you that I heard you the other night, when you screamed my name, didn't I?" she asked, staring at the wall.

'I guess I owe her an explanation.'

He nodded in reply.

"You really weren't doing anything… i-indecent, were you?"

"Of course not!" he replied quickly.

She smiled again, still staring at the wall. "Care to tell me exactly what it was that you were… up to?"

Shinji sensed that she was genuinely curious, as he expected, and decided to reveal his dream to Asuka. He hoped that she wouldn't take offense to it, as the Asuka in his dreams wasn't the Asuka he knew.

'Then again, do I _really_ know her?'

"Asuka, do you ever have nightmares?"

-----------------------

Asuka wasn't exactly sure she had heard him correctly.

'Shinji having nightmares. That's normal. Shinji dreaming about me… I can understand that. Shinji having nightmares about me kissing him? What the? Oh, no. Shinji having nightmares about me kissing him and then _strangling_ him?'

She suddenly remembered her own dream.

'Kissing him… and then strangling him?'

'_He's afraid of you, Asuka._'

'I wouldn't…'

'_You've already kissed him_.'

'I wouldn't do that to him.'

'_Kiss him or kill him?_'

'E..Eith-'

'_As I said before, you've already kissed him._'

'I wouldn't… kill Shinji.'

'_Of course you wouldn't._'

He spoke again, interrupting her train of thought. "In my dream… nightmare, whatever it was, you said something to me. Something I knew you'd never say. Then you… the you in my dream, at least, felt so cold."

'What the hell am I supposed to tell him?'

'_How about the truth?_'

'The truth? What would that be?'

'_That you l-_'

'I don't.'

"I've never known what death felt like… but it felt like I was dying. In my dream."

Asuka looked over to the boy, expecting either to see him crying or preparing to leave the room. The latter she could prevent. The former, she wasn't sure how to deal with.

What she saw surprised her. Shinji wasn't close to tears, and he didn't look like he was going anywhere. Instead, he sat on the bed, eyes fixed on the wall. The dark orbs seemed dull, empty. He didn't look like himself. He didn't look like the Shinji she knew. She wanted that Shinji back. It was the Shinji she had come to understand over the past few days.

"Shinji?"

"Yes Asuka?"

"What did I… the me in your dream say to you?"

He didn't respond.

She decided to speak up. "Yes Shinji, I have nightmares."

"Huh?"

"Well, idiot, you asked me if I had nightmares. I'm answering your question."

"D-Do you want to tell me? About your nightmares, that is."

She didn't quite know whether to tell him or not. It seemed strange. In his nightmare, she had made him suffer. In hers, he had made her suffer. Coincidence, quite possibly. Out of fairness, she decided to tell him.

"Remember the first time I kissed you?"

"Was it really that bad?"

"Well… That's not all."

"Oh?"

"In my nightmare… you followed me into the bathroom."

"Wh-Wha!"

"Let me finish." She growled, slightly frustrated. This was already hard enough for the girl, "You followed me into the bathroom… and kissed me again."

He sat before her, seemingly intrigued.

"You held me against the wall and kissed me. I tried to get away… I tried to push you away and run. Shinji, when I did that… you, the you in my dream…"

"Asuka?"

She felt tears welling up, recalling this wasn't something she wanted to do, but she felt that it was only fair to tell Shinji.

"The you in my nightmare wrapped his hands around my neck. The you in my nightmare killed me. The Shinji in my nightmare-"

Asuka froze as she felt a hand place itself on hers. Shinji's hand. Immediately following it was another hand to wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek. A gesture she had become familiar with. The promise to never cry again was broken long ago, and she saw no reason to make another such promise. At least, not when Shinji was around. She didn't know why, but his presence alone was comforting. Somehow, this boy had worked his way into her heart. He was a part of her now, she thought, and while she didn't say anything, Asuka hoped that he would realize this.

Shinji Ikari had found a place in Asuka Langley Sohryu's heart. An admirable feat, indeed. Something nobody else had been able to do so far, even Kaji. Not even he could break down her barrier. Not that he had ever really tried, anyway. Shinji, however, had managed to do the impossible.

The sun had risen and light streamed in through the window, casting shadows here and there and warming the two.

"Asuka?"

"Mm?"

"Mind if I sleep in here? W-With you?"

She grinned. "Pervert."

Asuka laid down on the bed, her back to him. Just as she expected, his arms encircled her as she was pulled closer to him.

'He's… warm.'

'_You enjoy this._'

'What if I do?'

The girl hovered close to sleep when Shinji spoke again, barely whispering. He probably thought she was asleep.

"Asuka... The you in my dream told me that she… loved me," he paused, "to answer your question."

She didn't respond in words. Instead, she took hold of his hand and squeezed it. Feeling him tense slightly, she felt strangely content.

While she wouldn't say anything for the time being, she would tell him eventually.

-----------------------

The two fell into a peaceful slumber, content and complete, as each complimented the other in an embrace that signified all that they were.

Today had proven to be interesting so far. Hopefully, they both thought idly, the rest of the day would continue in a similar manner.

Continued…

-----------------------

A/N: Aha! I have gone NOWHERE with this fic, and I've managed to do it in about 3,000 words. This chapter comes off (to me at least) as OOC and such. The reason for this is that I've been in an unnaturally random mood for the past week. As for the future of this work, you can expect one or two more chapters. I've been pressed for time lately, thanks to school and… other obligations/things. To me, this chapter is just one big blur of text with no real purpose other than to show that Asuka can get Shinji back into that bed of hers. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I've gone WAFF-y, and you can expect more at some point in the future.

I have another project in the works (being about 60 done) that's also been consuming my time (and any creativity I have). One hint: Not so much Alternate Universe as it is… Alternate Reality? Yes.

Anyway, I hope this is still somewhat enjoyable… and if it isn't, don't worry, it'll be over soon enough.

- Panda


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Let's simplify matters and say I don't own anything. Everyone comes out happy and nobody argues.

**Warm My Heart**

Chapter Seven: "Morning After / Eye-Opening Experience / The Two and the One"

-----------------------

Shinji felt something warm gently tracing patterns on his chest. To this, he awoke to find Asuka. She was facing him, arms drawn close, apparently preoccupied with the imaginary shapes she made. He smiled. For what seemed like the first time in weeks, Asuka looked relaxed, safe, and genuinely content. The boy couldn't help but chuckle as he watched her attempt to remove an unruly strand of hair from her face with breath alone. His hand rose from her waist to her cheek, gently moving the golden red strand before returning to its resting place.

'How on earth did she manage to turn around?'

"Guten Morgen… Shinji."

Asuka shifted slightly, pressing her chest to his and, whether she was aware of it or not, granting him a fairly revealing view of her assets from above. Out of habit, he quickly averted his eyes and tried to focus on something other than the proximity of her body to his. Doing so proved to be much more difficult than he anticipated, as she shifted once more, again pressing herself into him. Shinji could only guess what she was up to. Even if they had grown closer, this was far too much for him to be expected to handle so soon. It was something he both dreamt of and dreaded; this girl in his bed, her person against his own.

"Relax, stupid. It's not like I'm going to hit you for appreciating my body."

He was relieved, somewhat; as much as any other boy in his place would be, at least.

"But don't think I want you staring at me all the time though… pervert."

Instead of the usual venom that accompanied her final word, in her voice, he found amusement. Her lips curved into a smile as she looked up at him. Shinji could only smile in return.

"Hey, what time is it?"

He nodded dumbly, still trying to take in and process what was happening. Something he had done or said had changed the girl he found himself under the sheets with. Normally, Shinji would be bracing for another physical assault, but he instead found himself searching for the time. After what must have been several minutes, the boy concluded that the time was nowhere to be found on the girl or on the wall behind her.

She lifted her body from the bed slightly, tilting her head to one side in order to read the alarm clock at her bedside before allowing her body to plop down gracefully and smiling at him. Not speaking, just smiling. Shinji found this side of her interesting; the side that spoke more of her than words ever could. In fact, he couldn't think of any words that would properly represent what her mere presence meant to him, let alone her acceptance of his closeness. The more he thought about it, he came to realize that words weren't necessary at the moment. Any attempt to verbally communicate the deeper aspects of his realization seemed, to him, inadequate.

The silence between them continued as she shifted and rested her head on one arm, placing the other on his waist, holding him close to her. In return, he slid one arm under her and another around her waist.

Shinji settled into the embrace, allowing all of the tension in his limbs to ease. Feeling her do the same, he closed his eyes, sighing gently. The quiet was occasionally interrupted by noises from outside. Car horns blared every now and then, a gust of wind would whistle as it struck the frame of the window, and the sound of Misato's snoring came through loud and clear, but these were things they had both grown accustomed to hearing each morning. As it was, the only sound that Shinji found to be out of the ordinary was the sound of his companion's breathing. He was sure that she thought the same of his. After briefly contemplating what this meant, he came to the conclusion that Asuka's breathing was something he didn't mind hearing. In truth, other than good music, he found that the sound of her breathing was something he would never grow tired of listening to. The boy suddenly felt like sharing this with her, but hesitated when he realized how trivial such a thing would probably seem to Asuka.

Still, he had to say something.

"What time… is it?"

He immediately regretted speaking. Her smile became an inquisitive frown. She probably thought he was growing tired of her company, of being in this bed with her. In reality, Shinji couldn't think of any other place he would rather be at that moment.

'Idiot. She's hurt. You hurt her.'

"What's on your mind, Shinji?"

'You.'

'_Would you actually say that?_'

'Of course not.'

'_You really are-_'

'I am not.'

'_Oh, but you are an-_'

'Why am I talking to myself?'

"Er… the time?"

Not knowing what to do or say next, he smiled at her as she had smiled at him. Shinji wanted to tell her. He wanted to stop hiding from the fact that he loved this girl, at least, he was confident that he did. Shinji couldn't say for sure that this was love, but a part of him wanted to find out. A part of him wanted to find out exactly what love was, and it wanted to do so with Asuka at his side. Love was, to him, the most frightening concept he had known. At the same time, it was something he yearned so much for. He wanted to love Asuka, and he wanted to be in love with Asuka. Rejection of his love, however, frightened him even more.

He was afraid that she would see right through him. Asuka had the ability to either figure out what was bothering him or come up with a way to make him tell her. There were some things he just couldn't hide from her. There were other things, however, that he made sure to never share with the girl. As of late, there had been only one of the former, and Shinji felt like he was walking on thin ice. He cared about her, and she knew that. At least he hoped she knew. He took pity on her, of course, because he could sympathize on some level. They were both familiar with loss and loneliness.

"So idiot, are you going to say something to me or do I need to take matters into my own hands?"

The devilish grin that she displayed was warning enough. Regardless, she had to get her point across. A hand moved from Shinji's side down to the waistband of his shorts, pulling them lightly.

"A-Asuka!"

She laughed at his response to her teasing. While he knew it was nothing more than that, it was still rather awkward. He was still getting used to being in the same bed with her, after all. Such was to be expected from a spontaneous girl like Asuka. One surprise after another.

"Relax. We have two hours until we're needed."

"I am… relaxed."

"Liar."

She spoke softly, pulling him closer to her and pressing her head against his chest. This prompted him to react by embracing her. Once again, she didn't resist.

"Are you relaxed now, Shinji?"

He wasn't shaking. He wasn't tense. Somehow, the feeling of her against him didn't seem so unnatural.

"I think so."

"Good."

The moment, he felt, was right. Gathering all the courage he had, Shinji began.

"Asuka, I… I want to tell you s-something."

'That I love you.'

"I'm listening."

'That I want to be with you like this… more often.'

"Well, I don't know if… how I'm supposed to go about doing this…"

'I want to say those three words to you.'

"but Asuka, I…"

A gentle finger pressed to his lips silenced him. For a few seconds, neither moved or spoke. She was the first to break the silence.

"Shinji."

"A-Asuka?"

She paused again.

"Just stay here. Stay here with me."

He had no intention of doing otherwise unless she desired to.

"I'm here."

She looked up at him, fixing her eyes on his. He searched for something, anything to explain why she didn't allow him to say what he now so desperately needed to say.

"Shinji, just stay with me. For now, just don't leave me."

Again, he had no intention of doing so.

"I won't leave y-"

"Good."

-----------------------

'He was about to say it. Damn. He was so close too…'

Shinji had almost told her what she secretly wanted to hear, and it thrilled the girl, but at the same time, it scared her more than the prospect of him not telling her. Asuka had begun to question how she really felt about the boy, and recently, she threw caution to the wind and dove in head first. It was more of a spontaneous thing; asking him to sleep in her bed. The kiss had come out of nowhere, of course, and she still hadn't said anything about it. Asuka wasn't sure that it was an issue. It hadn't been their first kiss, but it was their first enjoyable one. Even though she hadn't intended to kiss him in reality, the dream had given her enough determination to follow through. It was probably too late to accuse him of perversion. He was still an idiot though.

An idiot, of course, that she happened to need, whether she wanted to admit it or not. In the back of her mind, she wanted to stay like this until she was damn well ready to let him leave her arms, but that wasn't reasonable. She would be happy with this for as long as possible, and then she would wait until they had a chance to do it again. It was worth waiting for. He was going to say those three words that she knew she wanted to hear, but she couldn't let him. Cruel, yes, but it would keep her safe. It would keep him safe. She hoped she was worth waiting for as well, because right now, this was enough.

"Shinji."

He tensed.

"A-Asuka?"

'What the hell am I supposed to say to him?'

'_What do you want him to say?_'

"Just stay here. Stay here with me."

It was all she could come up with. Right now, this was what she felt like doing. Not speaking, not thinking, not taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen so that he could cook her something, even if she was hungry.

"I'm here."

'I know you are, idiot…'

Asuka tilted her head upward. She didn't know what else to tell him. Perhaps that was why she hadn't allowed him to speak his mind just then. Shinji wouldn't be so cruel as to toy with her emotions, but she couldn't trust him completely. Not yet, at least. She didn't want to be suspicious of him and of his intentions, but the girl had taken enough chances.

Thinking about it, she knew Shinji wasn't the type of person who was often unsure of himself when he was determined. He was one to think things through and reason carefully. She, on the other hand, had been just the opposite. He hadn't resisted her advance, unintentional as it was, anyway. Maybe she was getting somewhere.

"Shinji, just stay with me. For now, just don't leave me."

He looked almost shocked.

"I won't leave y-"

She cut him off.

"Good."

'I know you won't leave me… Shinji. Just wait. Wait for me.'

'_He won't wait for you. Shinji has Ayanami._'

'What could he see in her? That doll is nothing but his father's plaything.'

'_So harsh, and you barely even know her. Jealous, aren't we?_'

'Jealous of what? Wondergirl? What does she have that I don't have?'

'_Self control._'

'I have self control.'

'_You can't even keep your hands off of him now that he's in your bed._'

'I can.'

'_Liar._'

Confusing as it was, Asuka took pleasure in resting cuddled against the boy. She was thankful that Shinji hadn't wimped out and returned to his room after she fell asleep. Further proof, she thought, that she was irresistible. Her pride had taken a big hit after she, in some way, admitted that she needed someone. Whether or not this is what being close to someone was like, she didn't know. It hadn't been like this with Kaji. Then again, he never invited her into his bed, and he never accepted her invitations to share hers. Still, she held some fascination with the man. He was everything she wanted in a mate, and perhaps, in a lover as well, although she hadn't gotten far enough to see what he had to offer.

Asuka found, as she remained there in Shinji's arms, that her roommate and fellow pilot was, despite his faults, quite desirable. She hated thinking of the men in her life like this, as possible options that would determine her future, but it was the only way she know of to avoid making the wrong choice.

Shinji hadn't been such a bad choice after all.

"Hey Shinji?"

"M-Mmm?"

"I'm hungry."

He nodded and lifted one of his arms before slipping the other out from under her before sitting up. Standing upright, he moved to leave the room, but was held in place when she quickly latched onto his arm.

"Erm… Asuka?"

"What is it now, Shinji?"

She did her best to make her voice sound playful, while retaining the annoyed tone she had learned to use whenever she wanted him to do something. It was frustrating, wanting something so much, while having to remind herself that neither of them were ready. The idea of spending the whole day in bed together didn't seem proper, after all.

"Hungry?"

'Oh god, am I ever…'

"Yes."

Asuka slid out from under the covers, not releasing his arm, and moved to the edge of the bed. She realized that a rather large t-shirt was the only thing that covered her, but made sure that he could only see so much. Looking up, she could see that he was trying his best to avert his eyes. Pleased at this, she stood up beside him and took his hand in hers.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Hungry."

The smile on his lips seemed new. It was something she had only seen once or twice before, this smile of his.

"Right."

Shinji nodded and walked into the kitchen, leading Asuka by the hand. She felt silly, being led like a child, and it took all the strength she had not to lash out at him for doing it. When they reached the table, she released his hand. It hadn't been unpleasant. She made it a point to remember to hold hands with him again sometime.

Asuka watched him prepare the meal. It was something she had seen often, but this time she noticed that he was being extraordinarily particular about the portions and measurements. As the girl continued to watch, she couldn't help but picture him doing the same in a kitchen in a house of their own. This kind of thinking was dangerous, she knew, for it could either be an image of the future or an arbitrary fantasy that would linger in her mind. Shinji as her husband, herself as his wife, the two a married couple. Definitely not the kind of thinking she wanted to entertain just yet.

Something about the way he moved while he was cooking seemed utterly graceful, as though he were an artist at work, and while the reasoning for this was lost, the fact remained that Shinji was going to make some lucky woman very happy in the future. Adding a final thought to this, Asuka hoped that the lucky woman would be her.

"Hey Shinji?"

"Hm?"

"You need a hand?"

On his lips, a smile formed.

'I could really get used to this.' She thought.

-----------------------

Misato didn't know what to think. She wanted the children to get along, sure, and she had expected at least some sort of close relationship to develop, but with this sudden turn of events, the woman found herself unable to come to a conclusion as to what would happen next. Should they be punished? Most likely, if Ritsuko knew, the commander knew. That would be punishment enough. What she wanted most right now was a beer, followed by several more, to begin the day. The children were in the kitchen, however, and she didn't wish to disturb them. The situation was unsettling. What she needed to do before anything else was talk to them.

Talking to them was, however, the last thing she wanted to do. She didn't exactly approve of them sharing a bed, but she couldn't bring herself to tell either one as much. She wanted whatever had happened between them to remain between them until they were both ready to discuss their status with others. Misato was aware of the fact that, at the moment, both children were fragile, vulnerable, and neither wanted to be asked a battery of questions regarding what they themselves were probably still trying to understand.

Still, how in the hell did Ritsuko know? She wanted a beer. It was probably the only thing that would keep her from tearing the apartment apart in search of hidden cameras or microphones. The fact that every aspect of their lives were known to others than themselves was just plain creepy, and Misato found herself growing more and more uncomfortable. It wouldn't do her any good to remain in her room, curled up on the futon, although she had to admit, it was comfortable.

Searching for the wristwatch she was sure she had taken off somewhere in the room, Misato came upon an old report she had made after one of the angel attacks. Tossing that aside, she continued to feel around for the timepiece.

Turning on her side, she felt something against her wrist. The watch. She looked at the time.

Misato wondered how something so close could feel as though it were far away.

'I need a drink.'

With that, she stood, stretched, and made her way to the kitchen.

What she found didn't surprise her at all, and yet, she hadn't expected to see it. Shinji was preparing breakfast… or lunch, considering that it was close to midday. The most peculiar thing about the sight was that Asuka was at his side, and she appeared to be chopping the vegetables, every so often looking at him, as if seeking his approval.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, she noted that neither had noticed her entrance into the kitchen. If they had, they weren't saying anything. She didn't know what to make of it. Did they not want her there? Were they simply ignoring her? Or were they too caught up in a moment of silent intimacy to even care? Misato gently shut the refrigerator and quietly walked back to the hallway. There, she paused for a moment, hearing them speak. Eavesdropping wasn't something she wanted to do, but out of curiosity, she listened.

"Do you think she noticed?"

"Dunno."

"Hey, really… did she?"

The redhead was certainly determined to get an answer. The boy could only sigh and respond.

"You know Asuka, we were sleeping in your bed together, so I think she has the right to be suspicious."

The girl didn't respond.

Misato grinned. One beer was enough. For now, at least. Sleep was what she needed, and the woman was determined to enjoy it.

-----------------------

Shinji sat down at the table, looking over what he and the girl had created. It was a feast of epic proportions. In truth, they had probably cooked far too much for the both of them. He would have asked Misato to join them, but since he could hear the snoring down the hall, he decided to let her sleep. Turning to Asuka, he saw the hunger in her eyes.

He nodded, and she tore into the food, devouring it like a ravenous beast. Shinji found this to be strangely amusing, and he found himself trying his hardest not to laugh. She hadn't taken notice though, and he was glad. It had never been his intention to upset her all of those times before, when he simply watched her, and later found himself on the receiving end of a slap or verbal assault. He wasn't trying to stare at her so much as he was observing. She was an interesting person, he knew from the start, and Shinji wanted to get to know more interesting people. Asuka, though, turned out to be more interesting a person than he had originally thought. He fell in love with her for many reasons. While he couldn't explain it himself just yet, felt that they had developed somewhat of a friendship, which over time, became something deeper and more complex.

After they had both had their fill, Shinji proceeded to take the dishes to the sink. Asuka followed him.

Before he could react, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, and he felt her head resting against his back. She said nothing, but stayed there behind him while he rinsed the dishes off. Even after he dried his hands, she clung to him. She had apparently become quite fond of keeping him in one place with her. Shinji didn't mind, but doing this in the kitchen made him feel slightly exposed.

"Hey, Asuka?"

"Hm?"

By the sound of her voice, Shinji could tell that she was ready to doze off. It wouldn't do either of them any good for her to fall asleep standing up against him in the kitchen, he decided.

The girl loosened her grip on his midsection and he turned to face her, finding that his assumption had been correct. Her eyelids were drooping and she was fighting to stay awake.

"Tired?"

She nodded in response. He noted that they had a good two hours left before it was time to leave, so there was no harm in catching up on lost sleep. As they lumbered back into her room, he realized that there was still a great deal of leftover food on the table. He lifted the sheets and allowed her to slide in, covering her. The expression on her face became one of confusion.

"Shinji?"

She was pleading with him. A mix of hurt and worry.

"Er… Sorry."

"… what?"

"The table… well, we left a lot…"

Asuka sighed and smiled, pushing him gently towards the door.

"Don't keep me waiting." She purred seductively.

"A-Asuka!"

Gentle laughter escaped her lips as he flushed a deep red and looked at the floor.

"You're so fun to tease, Shinji."

"Oh… well, I guess."

His heart was still racing as he stepped out of the room and into the hallway. Asuka knew how to get his attention, this he was aware of, and she wouldn't hesitate to make use of that ability.

Misato's snoring could be heard throughout the apartment now. Shinji decided to refrigerate what could be saved, seeing as their guardian wouldn't be awake to eat it any time soon. After he had deposited the last of the dishes in the sink, he began to consider his options upon returning to Asuka's room. He could talk to her about what had gone on between them, but that seemed much too forward. What he wanted to ask her about the most was the kiss. Why had she kissed him? What had made her kiss him? What brought about her near sudden change in attitude towards him? The more he thought about it, the more he wanted answers. She would most likely have questions for him at some point. After all, they had apparently shared a dream, something that he didn't believe happened often. He considered asking doctor Akagi, but immediately pushed that idea aside, for she would probably interrogate him as soon as he arrived, and then move on to Asuka as soon as she was done with him.

It wasn't the doctor's reaction that worried him the most. It was his father's reaction to the news that he dreaded. In all honesty, Shinji didn't know what to tell the man who called himself his father. Other than confirm that the encounter had been chaste, he couldn't think of anything else to say. The last thing he wanted to hear from his father was 'the talk'.

This sudden realization that he could possibly receive a lecture on sexual relations between a male and a female from his father caused a knot to form in his stomach, and he trudged back to the girl's room in order to share this thought with her.

-----------------------

"So you see, Asuka… my father, the commander, will probably want to speak with us."

"Go on."

"Concerning…"

"Shinji, just spit it out."

"Sex."

Asuka couldn't restrain her laughter. Her sudden outburst startled him and probably awoke Misato, but the idea of their commander giving them the sex talk was simply hilarious to her, absolutely preposterous. The images that went through her head ranged from Shinji's father explaining the process to him demonstrating various positions by himself. The idea itself was absurd.

After she managed to catch her breath and assure him that Misato hadn't woken up, she convinced him that it was nothing to worry about. The commander never really bothered with his son unless it had something to do with his piloting. Asuka despised the man, and she found it hard to believe that Shinji was his son.

"Shinji, I think he's more concerned about me as a pilot than me as a possible teenage mother."

"But we didn't…"

"I'm just saying…"

He was sitting on the floor, back to the bed and to her, lost in thought. Asuka wished he would join her in bed, as she liked the feeling of him under the sheets with her. It was both exciting and relaxing to have him only inches from her. When he leaned his head back and allowed it to rest on the bed, she couldn't help herself. Extending an arm to his hair, she proceeded to run her fingers through it. She knew that her actions had surprised him once again, but she was enjoying herself. Playing with his hair started out as a way to get his attention, but she found that losing sight of her fingers was more entertaining than one would think. She hoped he didn't mind.

"Hey Shinji."

"Yes?"

"I… The me in your dream, at least, told you that she loved you, didn't she?"

He gulped, lifting his head and leaning forward, drawing his legs up close to him. Asuka reached for him, but he was too far away.

"She did." He said softly.

'What's wrong with you all of a sudden?'

"Shinji?"

He didn't respond. She considered yelling at him like she would have before last night. Before she finally allowed him to get closer to her. Remembering this, she instead moved to the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. Asuka felt him begin to pull away, but after remaining still for a few seconds, he leaned back once again, his head resting on the mattress next to her leg. His eyes were closed, and it looked to her like he was thinking about something, something quite serious and confusing.

The girl wanted to do something for him, anything for him. She wanted to embrace him, but most of all, she wanted to understand him. Asuka wanted to know exactly what it was that Shinji was thinking about, what was going through that head of his.

'_You have no business prying into his thoughts._'

'I'm not prying, I just want to know what's bothering him.'

'_What if he doesn't want you to know?_'

'Why wouldn't he?'

'_What if you're the one bothering him?_'

'I'm not bothering him.'

"Shinji, you can go if you want. I'll be fine here."

Asuka tried to sound as confident as possible as she spoke with a false smile on her face. She didn't want him to leave. If he left, she would cry again, and this time, he might not come back to her. He was silent for a few seconds.

"I don't… want to leave, but if you want me to…"

He leaned forward, stood up, and stretched. Asuka began to panic. Shinji was actually going to leave her. She resolved to not cry until he had left, however, and bit her lip in hopes that he wouldn't turn and see that it was quivering.

'Damn it… Shinji, if you're going to go, do it. Just go…'

The girl's eyes screwed shut. She wasn't sure how long she could wait.

After about a minute of complete silence Asuka felt someone sit on the bed, and as she opened her eyes, Shinji took one of her hands in his.

"I can't leave."

She fought to control her voice, as the trembling wouldn't stop and he had probably picked up on it by now.

"W-Why not?"

"I… made a promise."

She gave him a puzzled look, the tears that had almost come now subsided.

"I won't leave… I won't leave you, Asuka. Even if you want me to leave. Even if you push me away. I won't leave you."

He turned and looked into her eyes.

"Because, Asuka…"

'He's going to say it. I know he's going to say it'

'_He can't say it. Not to you._'

'Why can't he?'

'_He's already broken you. You're weak, and he's taking advantage of that._'

'Shinji wouldn't… he wouldn't hurt me.'

'_He will hurt you. Just like mama did._'

"Asuka, I… I c-care… about you."

"Damn it…"

This caught him off guard, evidenced by the abrupt change in his voice. He sounded almost afraid.

"Asuka?"

"I know, Shinji."

"I mean what I said… I really do."

She brought herself closer and leaned against him, whispering.

"I know Shinji, I know you do."

'_He'll only hurt you._'

'He won't.'

"I'm glad."

Her arms wrapped around him, embracing him as she relaxed, allowing him to support her. Finding this position slightly uncomfortable, she pushed him down onto the bed, causing him to utter a surprised gasp before coming to rest on his back before she laid down next to him. After a moment, they realized how awkward it felt to occupy a bed with their legs dangling off the side. Neither said anything until Shinji started to squirm, and Asuka squirmed in return.

Five minutes later, the two were tangled in sheets and rather winded. Asuka spoke, trying to catch her breath.

"You… Idiot."

"S… Sorry."

"Don't apologize…" she gasped, "Just help me… ugh."

"Asuka?"

"Scoot over, would you? I'm… stuck."

He didn't move. Annoyed, she turned her head to see what was taking him so long. Shinji remained still as his gaze met hers.

"Shinji?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Move… damn it."

But he wouldn't move. He just lay there, looking at her. Asuka didn't know whether to be afraid or to surrender herself to him completely right then, but decided to simply go along with whatever was in store. Here was Shinji, on her bed next to her, grinning like an idiot while she was trapped in a mess of sheets. For once, she felt helpless, she felt that he was in control of the situation. For once, she didn't really mind. For the first minute, at least. She wanted him to do something, to take the chance given to him and be bold for once. Asuka was afraid, but if she wanted something bad enough, she wouldn't have hesitated in a situation like this.

"C'mon Shinji… move."

He turned to the side allowing her to free herself, and she did so reluctantly.

'_What did you expect him to do?_'

'Nothing.'

'_Then why aren't you satisfied?_'

'Because he should have done… something.'

'_He did what you expected of him._'

'I guess he did.'

"Well, that was… childish."

"It was."

"Let's do it again sometime."

"Sure."

She couldn't help but notice how quickly he agreed. Asuka wanted it to happen again. She wanted to be trapped once more, because it felt like the only chance she had to let him say what she wanted him to tell her more than anything else.

-----------------------

Misato glanced at the watch on her wrist. Standing before the door to Asuka's room, she hesitantly lifted a hand to knock. While she didn't want to disturb the two, it was necessary to get them before Ritsuko and alleviate any doubts she may have as to what did and what didn't take place the night before. It had been a show of good faith on her part to allow him to return to her room after they had spoken, and she liked to think that she could trust them. In any event, Misato didn't suspect things would move along too quickly.

What greeted the woman when she slid the door startled her, and must have shocked the two figures on the bed.

"Misato!"

Shinji spoke from under a jumble of sheets, as well as what she suspected was a female concealed within those sheets. He poked his head out, straining to uncover himself but finding that a certain other resisted.

"Um… Asuka?"

"Mmph. Idiot. Let me sleep."

"Misato."

"Huh?"

A mass of red hair emerged from under the sheets after struggling for a few seconds to find an exit. Misato was thankful, for the girl was wearing a shirt. As Asuka slid out from under the sheets, Misato was relieved to see that she was, indeed, fully clothed.

"We have half an hour… just wanted to let you two know."

She smiled and slid the door shut, but remained there, eavesdropping. It was wrong of her, but in times like these, she preferred to be as well informed as possible, if only for their sake.

"Shinji, tell me…"

"Tell you wha-"

"How exactly it is that we ended up like… that?"

"Er… well, you kept tossing and turning, so I just kinda…"

"You just kinda… what?"

Silence.

"You better not have done anything perverted."

"Asuka!"

Misato, satisfied with what she heard, turned and made her way to the kitchen for a beer.

'One,' she thought, 'Just one… for now.'

-----------------------

It hadn't taken long for Asuka to change. In fact, Shinji had no idea how she managed to tidy her hair in such a timely fashion, but there it was, just as she had worn it almost every day since their first meeting. He was glad that she kept it like that, because he himself didn't see any reason for her to change it. Frankly, the familiar hairstyle she wore and the consistency with which she wore it was, in its own strange way, comforting to him. It was one part of Asuka that hadn't surprised him thus far.

The trio took their seats in Misato's car, Misato at the wheel with Shinji riding shotgun, and Asuka, as usual, in the backseat. Shinji noticed her frown when he opened the door for her, but didn't know exactly how to respond, so he continued to politely hold the door open for her as she stepped in. After he was seated, Shinji began to worry about what the girl's reaction meant. Turning around to look at her, he saw that she was staring out the window. Now was not the time to speak, so he decided to think instead.

'Asuka was… upset?'

'_Just look at her._'

'What did I do wrong?'

'_Did you do anything wrong?_'

'If Asuka's upset, then I must have.'

'_Then you've done something wrong._'

'I know that. What did I do wrong?'

'_You've done something wrong._'

'What the hell did I do?'

'_Shinji Ikari should be able to figure it out._'

Shinji closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind.

'I should really stop doing this.'

Only minutes ago, the girl had been smiling at him. Only hours ago, she had been resting against him in bed. Only yesterday, he hadn't known what exactly she wanted from him. Right now, he wasn't sure he knew, but he was sure that Asuka would tell him eventually. Then he'd be ready to tell her how he felt, and what he needed from her. That was his plan. While he was still sorting through what he felt, he knew that he could tell her that he cared. His heart told him it was love, while his head was unsure, and Shinji wasn't one to risk whatever he had secured with her by rushing into it.

'Slow and steady wins the race.'

'_Unless she leaves you behind._'

He could only hope that she would wait for him.

None of them spoke a word until the car came to a halt. Misato exited first, Shinji second. Asuka waited until Shinji was within range and struck. Opening the door swiftly, she managed to hit him before stepping out and shutting it. She said nothing, but followed Misato.

Whatever he had done, it caused her a considerable amount of displeasure, every ounce of which he felt when the door impacted his knee. He didn't cry out though. Misato kept walking. Shinji shut his door and quickly hobbled in their direction, wincing every now and then as the pain slowly dulled. While the impulse to grab Asuka by the arm and apologize repeatedly for whatever he had done wrong was strong, it was overshadowed by the fear of angering her further.

As he approached the two females who were waiting for him at the entrance to the NERV facility, Shinji took notice of the grim look Asuka had on her face. Turning to Misato, he saw determination. She swiped her ID card through the reader and the door opened, granting them entrance. He suddenly dreaded having to talk to the doctor, knowing what she would probably ask. It was her job to probe, after all. The affair would do nothing but worsen Asuka's already bad mood. The journey to the scientist's office seemed but a blur to him, as he had spent the entire time considering his answers to some of the questions she would ask. He was torn from his thoughts by Misato, who placed an arm on his shoulder as though to reassure him. Shinji was amused by how seriously Misato was taking this. After all, they were guilty of nothing.

"Shinji?"

"Ah…"

"Get in there, idiot."

Her tone wasn't harsh, as he expected they would be. Instead, he couldn't help but notice that there was a slight awkwardness in her voice, in addition to what he presumed was her attempt to comfort him. While he was thankful for this, as well as for her almost sudden change of mood, he was confused. She had been angry at him only minutes earlier. Now she was encouraging him. It didn't make sense, but he would have time to think about that later.

He smiled at her, realizing that he himself had been taking this whole thing entirely too seriously.

Stepping into the office, it was hard not to notice the sterile atmosphere that pervaded the room. He had suspected as much.

"Good afternoon, Shinji."

"G-Good afternoon, Miss Ritsuko."

He grew nervous. She was scribbling away at a piece of paper, not saying anything for the first few moments.

"Sorry about that. Just make yourself comfortable."

'I'll be in and out. Just answer her questions and it'll be over with.'

"Well Shinji, I suppose you already know why you're here; why I'm speaking with you today."

He nodded.

"The commander expressed some concerns regarding the relationship between you and Asuka. He requested that I personally address his concerns with you. As you are well aware, both of you have been assigned a very important task. As the Children chosen to pilot Evangelion…"

Shinji's heart sank as his father was mentioned. He was sure that the commander was well-informed about the pilots, and would certainly receive word of what had taken place, but he had hoped that they would be given a chance to explain themselves before the news spread. With that hope dashed, he began to consider his options.

"… and I'm sure you're well aware of the possible consequences of a pregnancy. Not only would it render Asuka unable to pilot, but you would be responsible for both her and the child."

She looked at him, concerned. Not about him or Asuka, of course, but about how bad it would look if Asuka were to have a child under her supervision.

"It would benefit both of you to be honest with me. I'm here to help you, after all."

Shinji wasn't inclined to say anything and further incriminate himself, so he kept his mouth shut while staring idly at the floor. After a minute of silence, the doctor finally gave in.

"Shinji, I'm only asking this out of concern for the both of you."

He simply nodded.

"I'd like to know what took place last night. Don't worry about Misato, what you tell me in this room stays in this room."

The reassuring smile she gave him didn't make it any easier, as it was clearly false.

"Well… uh."

"Mmm?"

He didn't want to mention nightmares, as that would only lead to more questions; questions he didn't want to answer.

"Asuka… couldn't sleep."

"So you joined her in bed?"

"Er… I just… helped her fall asleep."

"How?"

Shinji grew frustrated.

"I slept… in her bed."

"With her."

"Y-yes."

"So you slept with her in her bed?"

He could almost feel his face burning.

"N-No!"

"Relax, Shinji. I was just asking if you fell asleep together."

"Oh… well, yes. We did."

"Would you mind describing the position the two of you slept in?"

"Er…"

"Visually, perhaps?"

"Well, I don't think… I can, er."

A quiet chuckle escaped the woman's lips.

"That's fine, Shinji. I don't expect you to answer that."

The boy obviously didn't find it as amusing as she had.

"So am I correct in my assumption that you two refrained from making intimate contact?"

"Yes…"

"Yes?"

"Y-you're correct."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

The woman scribbled a few notes on a piece of paper.

"Very well. I trust that you will keep in mind what I have told you."

A simple nod was his response.

"In any case, I'd prefer that you… remain prepared. The only way for me to be completely sure that no accidents will happen in the future is to have one of you relocated to another residence."

Shinji froze, suddenly afraid. He didn't want to be separated from Asuka. Not now. Not after last night. Never.

"However, doing so would involve a fair deal of paperwork. I'm sure that you would prefer to avoid that as much as I do, so…"

She rolled her chair over to a cabinet and opened it. After several moments of digging around for something, she withdrew her hand and closed the cabinet. As she rolled back toward him, he spotted several square-shaped packages, although he couldn't tell what they were. Placing them into his hand, she spoke.

"These are condoms. While I don't condone sexual activity between the two of you, I'd rather you be properly prepared and protected. The last thing we want is for Asuka to become pregnant with your child. At that point, your fate would be out of my hands."

While he wasn't exactly comfortable with the situation, he was thankful for her help. She had pretty much given him the benefit of the doubt, and he knew what she told him was all too true; if Asuka were to become pregnant, they would most likely be separated. Asuka would never forgive him.

He stared at the packages briefly.

"Do you know how to use them?" she asked.

"No… not really."

She glanced around the room until she apparently found what she was looking for and rising to retrieve it. Returning to her seat, she took one of the packages from his hand and opened it, revealing its contents. Holding up the metal cylinder, she spoke.

"For purposes of explanation, let's say that this is your penis."

He nearly dropped all of the packages onto the floor, looking away, feeling quite awkward and greatly embarrassed at the thought of her hand wrapped around him as she was doing to the cylinder.

"W-Wha!"

"Pay attention now, Shinji."

-----------------------

Misato didn't know what was going on in that room, and it bothered her.

'They've been talking for…' she glanced at her watch, 'almost twenty minutes now.'

She and Asuka had been standing in that corridor for the entire length of the discussion, and she either wanted something to sit on or someone to talk to. Asuka didn't say a word, seemingly absorbed in thought, her gaze focused on the wall opposite the one she was leaning against. It wasn't like her to be this quiet, Misato knew, but she didn't question the girl's reasons. She had a good idea of what was on the redhead's mind.

The door to Ritsuko's office opened. Shinji emerged, blushing and staring straight at the floor in front of him.

"Hey there." Misato called to him.

Shinji looked like he had seen a ghost when she spoke, apparently startling him.

"M-Misato!"

She couldn't help but find it slightly amusing that he was so on-edge.

"Send Asuka in, would you?" came a voice from behind him.

Shinji shakily moved toward the girl.

"Asuka?"

The two exchanged glances. Misato couldn't tell what was in these glances. It seemed like a mix of confidence, caring, and nervousness. She walked slowly toward him.

"You look… kinda pale." She noted.

"Well…"

"Is it THAT bad?"

"Y… Yes." He replied, nodding.

Asuka sighed as she grasped one of his clenched hands in hers, prying the fingers apart.

The condom fell from his hand to the floor beside Asuka as Shinji gasped and flushed once again, looking away. Asuka simply uttered a gentle laugh and held his hand between hers.

"You really are hopeless sometimes."

"Asuka?"

He looked at her, obviously surprised at her reaction.

"C'mon idiot, do you think this is the first time I've seen a condom?" she said almost proudly.

"Well, er… maybe?"

The girl issued a playful slap to the side of his head before speaking.

"It'll be fine, just calm down."

With that, he sighed and rolled his shoulders.

"Thanks."

She released his hand and made her way to the door, finding that the doctor blocked her entrance.

"Oh, Asuka. Just take a seat and I'll be right back."

Ritsuko stepped out of the office and allowed the girl to enter before addressing Misato.

"I have to go grab something, mind joining me, Misato?"

She nodded and turned to Shinji, speaking softly. "You can go in if you want, we'll be a few minutes. Might as well get some time alone with her."

With that, she winked and turned to join her friend and co-worker. As they walked, she couldn't help but wonder just how Ritsuko knew what was going on that night in her apartment. It was almost creepy.

"Something on your mind, Misato?"

"Well, yeah."

"What's that?"

"How on earth did you know that Shinji and Asuka were-"

"I didn't."

Misato stopped, stunned by what her friend had told her.

"What? You're the one that mentioned their names."

"Wait… So you didn't know that they slept together?"

"Actually, I assumed it was something more serious, such as sex, but it turns out that they did nothing more than sleep."

"They _did_ kiss."

"As long as it doesn't escalate and it doesn't affect their ability to pilot, I see nothing wrong with the situation. In fact, a relationship might benefit both of them, what, with their pasts, I'm not surprised that they turned to one another."

Misato nodded in agreement.

"But why did you call so early?"

Ritsuko laughed.

"Well, I figured I'd wake you up so that you could discuss something with Asuka, but I figured I'd have something else to cover when you mentioned both her and Shinji."

"A report from Section Two?"

"Apparently, Asuka left school in quite a hurry yesterday. She appeared to be crying."

"Well, she's a teenage girl going through-"

"Asuka isn't one to cry in public."

As much as Misato wanted to defend the girl, she knew very well that this was true.

"I figured that the incident last night and Asuka's behavior earlier that day were related, anyway."

"You know, with what you've told me so far, I'm beginning to think that you can read minds."

"Hungry?" the scientist asked.

Thinking about it, Misato realized that she was.

"You're good. You're _really_ good."

"I try."

With that, the two headed off to snag a quick meal. Misato wanted to give her charges some time alone, and since Ritsuko was paying, she could satisfy her hunger. Two birds with one stone indeed.

-----------------------

Shinji regretted not speaking with Asuka regarding the night before. As perfect as the chance was, he hadn't taken it as Misato had suggested. Instead, they spent close to half an hour discussing anything but their status, whether they were friends, a couple, or just desperate for someone else.

Before he could turn the conversation around, Misato and Ritsuko returned and the chance was lost. Misato assured him that he and Asuka would have plenty of chances to discuss whatever needed to be discussed. Still, he was ashamed of himself for avoiding what had to be said.

Asuka's behavior and mood ever since she left, or rather, stormed out of that office had worried him. The ride home was made in a manner similar to the ride there; in complete silence. Every now and again, Asuka could be heard mumbling something to herself, none of it loud enough for Shinji to hear or understand. He didn't know why she was acting this way, but the confidence that had driven him to be there for her the night before was beginning to come forth once again, and the boy decided to ask her as soon as they got home.

Shinji's plans were foiled.

Instead of allowing him to help her out, she flung the door open, hopped out, and slammed it shut behind her, shaking the vehicle and startling both occupants left inside.

"I wonder what's gotten into her…"

He simply shrugged.

When they reached the apartment, she had already entered. One of her shoes was lying in the hallway leading to the main room, the other was a few feet from the door to her own room, which was shut. As he picked up the shoes and placed them next to his, Misato spoke.

"Shinji, I know this almost contradicts what I told you this morning… but sometimes women need time alone. I think Asuka just needs a while to cool down. I don't want to pry, but if you want a little help, don't hesitate to come to me or talk to Ritsuko. Talking to Ritsuko seemed like a more useful option, seeing as Asuka had only been upset after she and the doctor were discussing whatever it was that angered the girl. However, Misato's willingness to offer him advice, to listen to him, made him feel that much more at ease. He wasn't alone, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let Asuka suffer alone, if she would let him be with her.

"T-Thank you… Misato."

Summoning all of the willpower he had, Shinji walked to the door of the girl's room. There he stood, before the barrier, with the girl he cared about so very much just beyond it, and he found it strangely difficult to knock. Three minutes later, he issued three soft taps to the door.

"A… Asuka?"

"Not now, Shinji."

Worry washed over him instantly.

"A-Asuka? Can I uh… can I come in?"

"No. Go away."

His stomach twisted into a knot as his heart pounded within his chest.

"I… can we talk?"

"I don't want to, stupid. Now go away."

This wasn't going anywhere, he decided. Instead of talking, he listened carefully. As he suspected, she was weeping softly, quietly, but steadily. He could hear her ragged breathing, although barely, and he figured she was trying to muffle the sound.

Without warning, he slid the door open and found exactly what he expected to find. Asuka was lying on the bed, stomach down, her face buried in a pillow. With his resolve strengthened, he moved slowly toward the bed.

"As… Asuka?"

"Get out. Get out of my room."

"Y-You're crying… again."

"Shut up and get the hell out."

Her voice became venomous, and he approached quietly and sat down gently next to her shaking form as his hand moved to her shoulder.

"Asuka, I'm h-here… for…"

"I don't want you here. I want you to get out!"

She began to sob into the pillow once more.

"Asuka, talk to me… whatever it is, just-"

"GET OUT!"

As she yelled, an arm came from under the pillow and pushed him off of the bed and onto the floor. A moment later, she spoke again, this time in between sobs. Her body trembled as she strained to speak.

"Get… out… Shinji, just… just go. Just leave."

"I won't-"

"Leave me the hell alone… Shinji… I don't want you here."

"But Asuka-"

"I don't need you. I don't… want you… worthless…"

"Asuka…"

Shinji himself was close to tears. He sat unmoving, wishing that this nightmare would end. Unfortunately for him, this was no nightmare.

"I don't want to see you. I won't want you here with me. I just want you to get the hell away from me… and stay… stay away… from me."

"I won't leave-"

"I hate you. I HATE you, Shinji..." a choked sob cut her off.

"Asu…ka?"

"Just get out, Shinji… Please."

He didn't want to believe he had heard, but he himself was about to break, and if he were to do so, her room would not be the placed he wished to do it in.

"O… Okay."

She continued to sniffle quietly until he had slid the door shut. Upon doing so, he heard the volume of her sorrow increase, and as much as he wanted to rush back in and hold her, he remembered what Misato had said earlier.

He heard her voice through the barrier, and leaned in closer to listen. What he heard surprised him. Asuka was quietly calling out to him, but before his hand reached the handle to slide the door open again, she muttered the words he dreaded the most.

"Shinji Ikari. Don't love… don't love me, Shinji."

He turned to rest his back against the wall, legs suddenly unwilling or unable to support him, he slid to the floor. Face instantly buried in his hands. His own muffled cry for help. Tears dotting the floor and increasing in number.

'I… I love you.'  
'_You can't love her._'

'Asuka…'

"I love you… Asuka" he whispered before resting his head on his knees and hoping to whatever power controlled his fate that Misato would leave him be, at least for now.

-----------------------

The apartment was mostly silent that night, the silence broken only temporarily by a fresh batch of tears from one of the two children who occupied the residence and by the sound of one beer can after another being opened and emptied by the one woman who wanted to do so much, but could do so little for them.

Continued…

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A/N: I know, I know, I took WAY too long with this chapter. I've been rather busy with school and other things as of late, so blame me all you want. If you haven't noticed, this chapter is significantly longer than any one of the six chapters before it. I don't know why, but my fingers just kept hitting keys as my brain sent signals to them. Honestly, I had no plan for this fic when I first started writing, and it probably shows. Oddly enough. it's coming together, at least in my eyes. I don't know how long this one will be, but I'll try not to take over a month with the next chapter. The keyword there is 'try'.

If something doesn't make sense, either get used to it or ask me.

Many thanks to my pre-reader Draknal and the readers who managed to stick with me so far.

Advertisement: If you haven't read _Lorelei of the Rhine_ by Doombolt, you need to. Now. Go do it.


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